For those who are interested, Alaina has her own guestbook page at the hospital. She is such a doll! The hospital photographer was totally enamored with her. Of course. :-) I know Chad and I are pretty biased but we've gotten lots of validation from perfect strangers that she really is a beautiful baby.
The rest of our hospital stay actually was pretty eventful. On Friday night, there was a tornado in Stillwater! We actually had to be evacuated down to the basement of the hospital to wait it out. Fortunately, no one was hurt and our house was fine but seriously....!! Saturday was more bad weather around Oklahoma but we were safe. Here is a picture of the little sweet pea waiting out the storm.
We got to come home from the hospital on Sunday. I will admit, I was pretty terrified to come home and with good reason! Between the painful recovery from the c-section, the fatigue and slight trauma from all the blood loss, and taking care of a brand new person, I wasn't sure I was ready to leave the comfort of the hospital! Alaina hadn't been eating very well at the hospital, despite consulting with every nurse and doctor who would listen. They really felt like because we were still under the 48 hour mark from her birth and because she had swallowed a lot of amniotic fluid, that she would be eating by the time we got home. But getting to come home would mean getting to sleep in our own bed (haha!!!) and getting to dress Alaina in all the cute clothes she had waiting for her.
Once we got home, all my fears were realized at once! Of course, the puppies were so curious about Ms. Alaina. Interestingly, Jasper was obsessed with her whereas Madeline was only mildly curious. But both had missed me and were jumping all over me. Unfortunately, I had missed my last dose of pain medication at the hospital and things were all starting to get very real very fast. Chad had to leave to go to the pharmacy and I completely lost it. I locked myself in the nursery and just held Alaina. She was crying, the dogs were in the hallway crying, and I just sat in the glider, also crying, not sure what I was supposed to do! Once Chad came back, things got better. But wow, that was a scary moment. The whole night was kind of a mess. Alaina would not sleep and I was afraid to go to sleep while she was awake (and it was kind of impossible with her screaming!). So Chad and I were both up most of the night. Unfortunately, she also continued to have difficulty feeding so that was really frustrating.
Monday morning we went to the pediatrician. When Alaina was discharged from the hospital, she had lost weight, as most newborns do, down to 8 pounds and 12 ounces. Unfortunately on Monday, she weighed 8 pounds and 1 ounce. Chad and I were shocked! Our pediatrician was very concerned and indicated that "rather than readmit" us, she would prefer to try some strategies at home. The idea of having to be put back in the hospital was a scary one! She wondered if Alaina continued to be disinterested in food so she brought in a syringe and had Chad feed her. Instantly she guzzled two syringes full! I almost lost it once again. As a clinical psychologist, I am well aware of cognitive distortions and the havoc they cause us--however, I just couldn't shake the thought that I had been starving my baby! In my heart, I knew I had been doing everything I could and did everything advised by the doctors and nurses, but seeing her down that formula just poured on the guilt! Chad was so excited though--he didn't realize how upset I was and made comments like "things are going to be so much better now that she's not starving all the time!" I was so sad. Once I told him how bad I felt, he realized that probably wasn't the best thing to say.
The pediatrician explained that the blood loss and stress of my delivery had delayed my body's response to Alaina and that was one part of why she wasn't feeding well. The pediatrician must have known what I was thinking because she was extremely supportive and tried to offer as much reframing and positivity as possible. But seeing Alaina in a milk coma following receiving the formula definitely made me cry.
We then went back to the hospital to pick up a supplemental nursing system to use in order to help Alaina's weight to get back on track. I'll tell you, this system is great in the sense of it helps moms to be able to continue feedings without having to immediately try bottles...but all three of us hate it. Despise it. Curse it when we see it. But we're doing it anyhow. She gets fed every 2-3 hours and each feeding takes around 45 minutes so there isn't a lot of time for sleep. But Alaina seems to be sleeping better between feedings so that has been good. We went back to the hospital on Tuesday and she had gained 3 ounces. Our next appointment is Monday. We are hoping she has packed on the weight. :-)
Emotionally, it has been tough. I think the feeding issues and the "mommy guilt" have definitely made it hard but we know it's just going to get better from here. We are still having to use the supplemental system and it still royally sucks but we are doing what we have to do to keep our little girl healthy. So that makes us feel like good parents already. :-) And Alaina is just wonderful. She makes all kinds of funny faces and funny squawks and noises. We just love her.
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