What's more common than PPD?

Postpartum anxiety: more common but less recognized than postpartum depression

You don't actually know what you're doing, do you?

I recently wrote a piece on postpartum anxiety for my friend Samantha's blog, Dr. Psych Mom. There are so many topics that seem taboo, especially related to mental health or difficulties as a new parent. This is the kind of post that is certain to get calls from family (ahem, mom) or close friends, upset that I hadn't shared this experience with them. Hopefully this post helps explain that, too. More than anything, I hope sharing my story provides some validation for others who have been through it. 

Becoming a parent is anxiety provoking. People who never worry suddenly become stricken by fear that they will accidentally drop their newborn baby as they stumble from room to room in a sleep-deprived state. Common/“normal” fears include hitting the baby’s head, forgetting the baby somewhere, something being wrong with the baby, or being a terrible parent. Sometimes, though, anxiety can become paralyzing. This was my experience. In general, I am not anxious. However, things changed after having my daughter...

Big emotions

Since beginning this whole parenting gig, I've had a number of instances where my personal experience interestingly coincides with my professional knowledge (e.g., parental flexibility and shifts in the Wisconsin card sort task, spotting behavioral activation in Doc McStuffins and experiential avoidance in Frozen, attempts at exposure for A's fears, discussions of the research showing no relationship between vaccines and autism). The ones most salient these days are emotion dysregulation and invalidation. This blog post isn't meant to be disrespectful or invalidating of emotions experienced by toddlers or individuals with mental health issues. It's just connecting thoughts that I have had recently.

One of my clinical and research interests is borderline personality disorder. The core of BPD (some argue) is emotion dysregulation. Difficulties regulating emotions can impact our thoughts, interpersonal relationships, work, etc. So teaching emotion regulation skills (& supporting and validating those difficult emotions) early is important. 

Toddlers have adult-sized emotions but haven't yet gained the skills or understanding we have of experiencing and regulating them (and I'll be honest, sometimes it's hard for me to regulate my own adult-sized emotions!). So when something upsets them (even things that don't make sense or are unknown to us), it is so important to remember that those feelings are valid and need to be expressed. 

This has hit me particularly hard the last few days. After we get home from school, A has been melting down almost immediately. Things that seem tiny or unreasonable to me and Chad (like needing to wash her hands before she eats her snack) sets off a flood of tears. Last night we were in the backyard with her car and she wanted to come inside to eat. Only, once she realized we were inside, she wanted to be back outside. This led to a very long "tantrum" where she was holding onto the doorknob and was screaming enough that I was only slightly worried that CPS might be called. Clearly, she wanted to get her way (which frankly I'm not even sure she knew what that was), but also she was dealing with emotions much bigger than her disappointment that we were inside for the evening. She is still struggling to adjust to Chad's new schedule (which is also impacting her bedtime, leaving her open to more intense emotional reactions) and, as much as I love her school and her teachers, that is also stressful. Having to play (or work) with other people in your space all day, having no choice in lunch or snack, etc. would wear on anyone. So once she is home, the guard is down and the flood gates open. Having this realization (thank you psychology background + being told about great RIE blogs), helps a lot when I find myself getting frustrated. It helps me remember her behavior in context and not jump to "she is crying for no reason", "she is trying to manipulate," etc. Of course, I may have to remind myself of these statements 45 times in one hour. If I have been eating, sleeping, and taking care of myself, that helps me to be more understanding, too. Otherwise, thoughts of wanting to bang my head up against a wall or desk creep in (now who's the one with difficulty regulating emotions??)!

Sleep while the baby is sleeping

I've noted previously that one of the most common pieces of advice new parents are given is to "sleep while the baby is sleeping." It's great advice if you're willing to quit all other aspects of your life (i.e., eating, showering, going to the bathroom, cleaning, laundry). The interesting thing that is left unstated is the part that the adage is not saying is...you won't sleep when the baby is awake. Pretty much ever. And ugly parenting secret #87 is this, babies don't sleep when we most want/need them to. Just plan for that. It's more reliable than Newton's law of gravity.

So yea, Sunday night was about as bad as we could have imagined. I reminded myself frequently "yes, it could be worse. The three of us could have a stomach virus. Someone could drive a car through our front window. A meteor could hit our house. We could be experiencing a quakenado (apparently only a thing in Oklahoma?)" but yea...it was pretty terrible, at least sleep-wise. I put Alaina to sleep around 8 pm and she woke up at 10. Chad went to feed her and she was absolutely shivering from head to toe. Earlier in the day, she had been playing and acting normally, but she felt a little warm and was running a fever of about 100. We chalked it up to teething or ear issues. It may have been a virus though because her fever did shoot up to 102. She wouldn't eat or take Tylenol. She kept falling back asleep while being rocked but couldn't be put in her crib. This dance of rock, walk, lay down, wake up screaming, rock, walk, etc. lasted until 1 am when Chad took her. He let her play for about half an hour and she did fairly well. However, when he tried to put her back to sleep, she got very upset. I was able to get her to sleep off and on but had to be continually walking and rocking her. Of course, she wasn't allowed to have any food or liquid after midnight because of the procedure, which made things considerably more difficult. I stayed up with her until 3:30 but just couldn't do it anymore so Chad took her and of course (!!), she went right back to sleep when he put her in the crib. We were especially ambivalent because we had concerns that they might cancel her surgery since she had a fever (which did go back down, by the way). Just a note in case you were wondering, it's hard to parent on less than 2 hours sleep. But I was glad she slept from 3:45 until we got her up to leave at 5:45.

Now, given our lack of sleep, you may not be surprised to hear that we first drove to the wrong office. Fortunately, Stillwater is a small town and we were able to make it to the right building (which is right in front of our neighborhood...) and were only 8 minutes late for the appointment. I had a lot of concerns that Alaina would be inconsolable given her lack of sleep or food but she was a trooper. She was very calm while they took her vital signs and height/weight. The nurses commented on how good she was being. And she was pretty adorable in her little hospital gown.

 

The surgery itself was very fast. Chad and I barely had time to move our things into the recovery room and prepare a bottle for her before she was out. Seriously, it was 11 minutes from when they took her from us to when they brought her back. Yes, I timed it.  The doctor indicated there was fluid in both ears. In one ear, it was the consistency of engine oil and the other ear was a bit thicker. Neither were horrible (jello is bad apparently) and they were not infected, which of course made Chad and I somewhat question if the surgery was even really needed right now but whatever. Nothing we can do about it now. I was also irritated to learn that we have to use ear plugs every time we bathe her, for as long as she has ear tubes. Annoying.

Alaina was pitiful coming off the anesthesia. She just seemed so confused and mad. Also you could tell she was disoriented and her little head kept flopping forward. Poor little thing. She was angry the entire time we were in the recovery room, especially since they kept coming back to measure her oxygen with a pulse ox on her big toe. They finally let us go after 30 minutes of observation.

Fortunately, Alaina had a few decent naps, so Chad and I did take advantage of sleeping while she napped. Throughout the day though, she had serious mood swings. She was happy some of the time.

But mostly she was mad and grumpy.

Last night her sleep was still pretty dysregulated but we are hoping that's just a product of all that she's been through this week. I guess we will soon see...   

You're a terrible mother

How angry would you be if someone told you (or someone you loved) that? Pretty mad, I'd bet. I know I'd be livid! Yet I hear myself and my friends saying it to ourselves all the time. "We are terrible parents, Alaina won't eat solid foods...doesn't use a sippy cup...doesn't get a bath every night...hasn't learned her colors yet...had an infection and we didn't know...can't solve a quadratic equation" and on and on. Clearly that's a combination of thoughts I've had, ones I've heard and just plain hyperbole. But it's pretty ridiculous really. I'm not sure why this realization surprised me given I know that self-talk outside of parenting can be downright nasty. My friend's husband told her over the holidays that she wasn't allowed to say it anymore. The funny thing is, she's nowhere near terrible. She's an amazing mom (you know you are)! She has the equivalent of two full-time jobs and yet has time to make it to her oldest's dance classes and home for baths every night. And she even cooks and cleans (at least occasionally). So in general, I think we are all doing pretty well. "Good enough" parenting is a real term with positive outcomes and I probably need to remind myself of that more regularly. Alaina's pretty lucky to have such awesome parents. :) I'm sure she will hear this a lot as a teenager. ;)

Where is this all coming from? A weird, unexpected reaction to Alaina's 9-month check up actually. In general, she's doing really well. First, the fun stuff. She is 18 pounds, 11 ounces (44th percentile), 26.75 inches (21st percentile), and her head is 17.75 (78th percentile). So she really is a little lollipop. Which I have been thinking she kind of looks like these days. :) She did really well with her two shots. Snoopy band-aids, if you were wondering.

So what went wrong? Well, nothing really. But in the waiting room, we always get a "Bright Starts" sheet that talks about milestones and what we 'should' be doing as parents. They tend to be fairly helpful and a confidence boost--"yay, I have friends who are parents that I can talk with about my struggles," "awesome! we always use a car seat, every time Alaina is in a vehicle," "look at us! we only leave her with trusted providers"--but yesterday, I noticed "feed 3 meals of solid foods," "start introducing more table foods," and "use a sippy cup" and got more overwhelmed than usual.

Parenting is a lot of work.

I fret over things that ultimately do.not.matter. Because of all of her sensitivities, Alaina has only had about 14 foods. I have seriously lost sleep at night wondering how she will possibly ever eat normal food because clearly we still have so many to go through, using a '4-days between new introduction' paradigm. Goodness, trying to imagine her eating mashed potatoes at a restaurant is enough to send me in a tizzy--before doing so, she would need to have tried white potatoes, milk/cream, butter, pepper, garlic, other seasonings, potentially other things I'm not even thinking of right now...and I'm terrified of dairy. I need to just give the kid yogurt and see what happens but I feel like before I do that, I need to meet with an allergist and have her tested. Ridiculous. She is not going to go into anaphylactic shock from a cheese cube. I am completely confident in that. So why the hesitation? And so what if at 12 months old, she isn't magically eating chicken nuggets and toddler muffins...? But how will she transition to the 1-year classroom where they feed them meals and snacks? And what about her birthday cake? She can't have frosting if she's never had dairy.

Seriously.

Yes, I hear myself.

So those were the things going through my mind before even being called back for her visit. So on the medical side of things, unfortunately, she still has/or developed a new ear infection. This is concerning because it is possibly the third ear infection since Thanksgiving. So some doctors start thinking about whether tubes are necessary (our doctor is not saying she needs tubes, just to be clear). So the pediatrician referred us to an ENT in town next week. Personally, I do not think tubes are warranted. I really, truly think this is allergies (or whatever the equivalent to allergies is in a 9-month old since allergies don't happen to babies...)/sinus issues. Chad and I both have allergies so she got hosed on the genetic lot for that particular problem. What if her ears are infected solely because she has had chronic sinusitis? Hopefully the ENT isn't 'tube happy' and will consider this as an option. Obviously if he recommends tubes, we would seek a second opinion. For now, we started her back on Suprax again. It seemed to help last time, at least while she was taking it.

The other issue we discussed at length is her lack of mobility. Although her teachers says she will roll at daycare, she almost never rolls at home (and they note that she rolls with less frequency than her peers). She is not crawling and she does not try to pull herself up. I've said before, I'm really not concerned about this. Developmental stages have long ranges of "normal". Her pediatrician also is not worried. However, she did say it might be a good idea to get a developmental evaluation just to make sure she doesn't need physical therapy. That said, while in the office, Alaina was standing with assistance and sitting up, sometimes pulling her knees to her chest. The doctor laughed at this and said this was evidence that her lack of mobility is very likely a motivation issue (or focusing her energy elsewhere, like on social or communication skills) rather than it being a gross motor delay. She noted that she has great posture and flexibility and is very limber. Anyhow, I have a call in to SoonerStart, our early intervention program for an eval. I'm actually a little excited about this because during my residency/internship, I did a number of developmental assessments for kids ages 0-3 and I've always wondered where Alaina falls in the various aspects; obviously I'm not going to test her myself. But I am a huge proponent of early intervention so if she does need therapy, I am glad we are getting assessed. Hopefully we can get some exercises to use with her at home, too.

I am trying to increase her food now, too. She's just been getting 1-2 tablespoons of food each day. So, starting today, I sent food to daycare as well. I had delayed this because I needed to order small glass bowls with lids, which came in yesterday.
And I'm alternating sippy and straw cups at dinner now.

Progress. But ridiculous how one appointment can cause such self-doubt and "mom guilt." And I didn't even get into the long, ugly thought process about nursing and preventing ear & upper respiratory infections...
But back to the topic at hand. Most moms are far more than "good enough". Long discussions with other moms about how "terrible" you are is just co-rumination at its worst and will exacerbate stress. So while it's one thing to feel terrible, I am promising myself (and my friend and her husband) not to engage in this destructive self-talk.

Anyhow, that was a whole lot of random rambling. Clearly baby girl is doing just fine. She's even starting to help around the house... ;)

{Baby} Favorite things part 2: Websites & books!

So I thought of a number of additional things I would recommend and noticed lots were books or websites/blogs. So I figured I could add those here. I should note, google is my go-to website for pretty much everything. However, I noticed that a lot of times I was going back to the same websites and blogs that I really liked. So here they are. Obviously these are just my opinions and I do not have any stake in any of these companies/websites, etc. 

Books

I mentioned this previously but pretty much the best resource I've found related to pregnancy or baby items, is Baby Bargains. Seriously awesome. I made most all of our decisions for the nursery and baby gear based on this book. There is also a website with a forum that is helpful.

In terms of pregnancy books, everyone recommends What to expect when you're expecting. But it's pretty alarmist so I avoided it. I did not need additional anxiety about every aspect of pregnancy. I found the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy to be much more user-friendly. I'll be honest that I was not great about reading it regularly, though. But the information in it was good. 

We have been fortunate that Alaina sleeps really well. For awhile we had some difficulty with naps though so I bought the No cry nap solution on the Kindle. I liked it and think that if we were going to sleep train at night, I would probably use the No cry sleep solution, which has been useful for a number of people that I know. In general, I think a lot of sleep books contain the same information and fall on either end of the no crying or modified cry it out (CIO) spectrum. For now, we prefer to not use CIO but recognize that may change. As with everything, many of these decisions are based on what works best for your baby and your family. I also considered the Happiest Baby on the Block. I don't think I could ever recommend Babywise, based on the little bit that I have read of it, but I do know some people (including parents at our daycare) swear by it. Most of these books also have associated websites so you can take a look on those to get some assistance.

Websites

I have spent a tremendous amount of time looking for information on breastfeeding, proper latch and milk transfer, dairy (and other) allergies, fever, sleep strategies, product recommendations, etc. Fortunately, there are some truly amazing resources available! I also got/still get weekly emails from Baby Center, Pampers, etc.

My favorite breastfeeding-related website is Kellymom. They include articles about everything you can think of or worry about. There are also great resources about pumping, how long expressed milk lasts in various methods of storage, concerns about low supply, proper weight gain, etc. The website also doesn't sugar coat or pretend that breastfeeding is without problems. The La Leche League website is also very helpful in this regard and can direct you to local groups and lactation consultants.

Another useful site is run by Jack Newman, a physician in Canada that specializes in breastfeeding. The videos from this clinic are an invaluable resource. There are a lot of sites out there that I wasn't as much a fan of because I felt a bit marginalized because we also supplemented with formula. But there is still great information on the internet.

Due to sometimes feeling marginalized and getting down right depressed at all the difficulties Alaina had with breastfeeding (and associated mommy guilt/feeling privately judged), being told about the website Fearless Formula Feeder really may have saved my sanity. I know I discussed this site before but it really is amazing. So many smart women who provide their stories and support one another's decision to feed their children in whatever way works for them, without judgment. It also gave me fresh perspective and reminded me of the importance of reading original research critically, rather than accepting the media's interpretation of data. I believe even women who breastfeed exclusively could benefit from reading some of the articles and stories presented.

In terms of sleep, I really enjoy the My Baby Sleep Guide blog. This website summarizes the major sleep books, information about "normal" sleep and wake times, etc. Lots of great information about sleep routines, too.

I wish I hadn't needed it but the Go Dairy Free website helped me make it through the dark days without dairy! The lists of hidden dairy, links to restaurant menus, and suggestions for snacks and substitutions were fantastic!

I mentioned previously that I love the Wholesome Baby Food and Baby Led Weaning websites for making food at home.

I have also spent a great deal of time on the Science of Mom, Dr. Sears, and Peaceful Parenting websites. I don't always agree with all of the information (or at least the manner in which it is) presented but overall, I find them very helpful. For example, I always consult the Dr. Sears site about fever and when to medicate/call the pediatrician.

If you need a laugh, Honest Toddler is awesome.

In terms of shopping, I check the following websites daily: Baby Steals (frequent amazing deals on must-have items like Aden and Anais muslin blankets, Halo Sleep Sacks, baby legs, etc.), Baby Half Off, Green Baby Bargains, Kids Woot, Mama Bargains, Zulily, and Totsy. I also have an unhealthy addiction to Etsy.

Apps

Toward the end of the second trimester, doctors want you to track how often the baby is kicking. I downloaded the free version of Baby Kicks and really liked it.

Blogger also has an app which is great for being able to post blogs in the early months when I wasn't able to log onto a computer. You can upload pictures from your phone onto the blog very easily. I haven't figured out how to upload videos, however.

I mentioned the Baby Connect app before. Seriously amazing if you're a tracker. However, it is very possible to raise a happy, well-adjusted baby without tracking every minute of sleep, every ounce of milk, and every dirty diaper. I just wouldn't know how to function that way! It has especially come in handy with the dairy sensitivity and potential food allergies.

Most people already have Pandora on their phone or iPod. However, did you know there is a Lullabies station? Seriously amazing. And doesn't make you want to poke your eyes out. Usually. Chad and I both love the many versions of the Rainbow Connection. I think the Dixie Chicks version is our favorite. :)

The Sporcle (free) app got me through many nights of extended nursing and pumping sessions. Loved it! Just lots of random, timed trivia.

Hope you found some of these helpful. I may think of more in the future and update.

These are a few of my favorite (baby) things

Recently I've had a few friends either have new babies, get pregnant or have a sibling or close friend who's pregnant contact me about my "must haves". So I started to think about what I have loved in these last 9 months. I know there are a million of these lists out there and every baby/family is different so people will have to see what works for them. But this will allow me to have the list accessible if anyone asks for it and/or if Chad and I decide to take this crazy journey again. The jury is still out on that one. ;)

Before getting to the products, the best advice we've been given and what others will constantly hear is "it gets better." It really does. A very good friend of mine checked in with me regularly to ask if I recommended having kids and if it was worth it. Frankly, the first two months I told her honestly and regularly that she would have to check back with me on that. I knew that I loved Alaina and there were truly amazing moments. But sometimes those were hard to remember. That started fading around 6 weeks. I kept reading and hearing that it would get better (and boy did I cling to that!) but no one really identified when. So, I am reminding myself (and you) now, it's not until 6 weeks that you start feeling like a human being again. It's not until 6 months that you start understanding how people go on to have a second child. The other advice we heard a lot--"Sleep when the baby sleeps." Yea. Good luck with that.

In terms of "things," we (/I) made a lot of our decisions based on the Baby Bargains book plus Internet research and reading reviews on Amazon, Babies R Us, and Target. Also, this is the longest blog post ever. You've been warned.

Probably our most used baby item is the Fisher Price Rock 'n Play sleeper. I cannot say enough good things about it. Alaina has slept in it since her first night home and she loves it. Basically it's like a bassinet/seat that provides a cozy nest that keeps her head elevated. This helps reduce spit up, post nasal drip, and reflux. It also makes for an easier trip out of your arms when sleeping because it's so cozy and it's not as close to the ground as a crib mattress. It is super light and can be carried or scooted (it doesn't scoot all that well on carpet) from room to room. It was easy for me to put together with no tools and the cover is machine washable. It will probably be my most gifted item (I've already given two). If I'm coming to your baby shower, expect this as my present. :) The only downside is that it makes transitioning to a crib a bit harder because it's so cozy. It goes up to 25 pounds. Alaina is about 18 pounds and she probably has outgrown it in terms of length even though she's a shorty. But we haven't transitioned her out of it yet. Soon.
I also should note the negative Amazon reviews. These primarily center on flat head syndrome. In the first couple of months we did notice that Alaina had a flat spot but we had her pediatrician look at it and we kept our eye on it. With increased time on her tummy and sitting up, this has not been an issue. I would watch my child for such a problem but I wouldn't hesitate to use it or recommend it in the future. Another thing to note is that I spent a lot of time worrying the first month or so about how she was placed in it--I was terrified that she was too scrunched and she might stop breathing in the middle of the night. Chad had to wake up a lot to roll over and make sure she was still breathing for me (the rock n play is on his side of the bed). However, I am guessing that was more new mom paranoia than any fault of the sleeper. That said, we do always try to place her head as far up as possible.
{update: there was a recent, voluntary recall by fisher price due to reports of mold growing under the removable pad. This is apparently resolved in newer models but I'd recommend cleaning the pad weekly or whenever soiled (it comes off easily to wash/dry in the machine) and inspecting for signs of mold. If you do find mold/mildew, instructions for cleaning the product can be found here. This does not change my recommendation of the product.}

The other thing we use multiple times a day is Aden & Anais muslin swaddling blankets. These are so soft (and get softer the more you wash them) and are a perfect size and weight for swaddling. Here is Alaina swaddled with an A&A blanket, in the rock n play. Her first night home. Sniff sniff.

Even at 8 months, she still fits in the rock n play. Though it certainly is looking a lot smaller.



It's not an item, but I don't know if I could live without the Baby Connect app on my phone. It helped me track nursing, pumping, diapers, bottles, sleep, weight, etc. It is perfect for anyone who is detail oriented or obsessive. It even creates charts and schedules of your day. You can also track multiple kids or caregivers, milestones, moods, etc. My favorite app so far.



I spent a lot of time trying to decide on a travel system. I had heard a lot of complaints about traditional systems because they were heavy and bulky. We ultimately got a separate infant car seat and stroller. We got the Chicco KeyFit 30 car seat which we like. It isn't too heavy and it was fairly easy (so I hear) to install. It has a nice level on it that shows if it's in correctly. I've experienced only two down sides--1) The material makes it easier for babies to get hot and 2) the base is installed in the middle with the seatbelt and it doesn't always seem as secure as I would like so we frequently readjust it.

We also got the Baby Jogger City Mini stroller which we love. We bought an adaptor so we could pop the infant seat on like a traditional travel system for when she was younger and we didn't want to wake her when getting out of the car. The stroller is insanely lightweight and folds up easily. It has a pretty small foot print and handles well. There isn't a toy bar, food tray, or cup holder but all of those can be purchased.

I did also buy a cute car seat canopy on etsy to match the stroller. It gets more compliments than anything (even at the drive-thru window!).

I apparently did not have a picture of our set up so I've just taken one from google images so that you can see how the infant car seat can be used with the stroller.



Babies are fickle little creatures. What works for one baby, doesn't work for another. Even worse, what works for one baby one day, may not work the very next day (...or hour). That's why companies can make so much money off parents who have to buy five different items that basically all do the same thing. This is true for bouncers, swings, baby papasans, etc. as well as exersaucers and jumpers. But you buy them because you just hope one will work. At least some of the time.

Alaina has the Fisher Price Snugabunny swing and bouncer. Both are super soft and comfortable. She has liked both at times, and has hated both at times. She is close to outgrowing them and we've not used them much in the last couple of months. But I would say both were worth it. The swing is great because you can plug it in and that will save a ton of batteries. It goes in two or three directions, places music or nature sounds, and has birds that "fly" above the seat. From about 2 weeks through 5 months we probably used the swing twice daily. So certainly worth it. She didn't like the bouncer at first but after she got a bit bigger she would sit in it for 20 minutes or so while I pumped or put away dishes. It has a nice vibrating seat and the music or nature sounds it plays is also very tolerable.

Alaina has an exersaucer that was given to us by a friend. She was able to start using it around 4 months and she still really enjoys playing in it. We opted not to buy a jumparoo but I do think she would love that as well. Our house just already looks like a Babies R Us train hit us so I don't think we could handle another big item.

Baby mats/gyms are another thing that I would say is worth buying or registering for. We started using ours when she was about 3 weeks old and she still gets excited when she sees it. Ours is the Skip Hop treetop friends activity gym. It has all different kinds of textures and fun hanging toys. In addition to laying on the mat, she enjoys sitting on the outside of it and playing with the hanging toys.

Alaina also loves her Bumbo seat. She sits in it to watch the dogs when they are being fed (this is her favorite!) as well as I use it some mornings to feed her oatmeal (because putting her in the high chair just seems so difficult, haha). We are lucky that her thunder thighs still fit in it because I've heard a lot of kiddoes outgrow it fairly early. I believe we put her in it around 12 weeks. Whenever it was, she had really good head control but wasn't sitting yet. I should note that the Bumbo has been recalled and has since included a seat belt. We would never leave Alaina unattended or put the Bumbo on an elevated surface. You shouldn't either. Even with a seat belt.

I have a love/hate relationship with the Sleep Sheep. On the one hand, it works great for us. In the early days, I could swaddle Alaina and turn on the ocean waves sound and her eyes would magically close. But, it inexplicably has a 23 or 45 minute timer. It should go indefinitely. She often wakes up the moment the sound stops so I have to decide if it is worth risking going in to restart it. So buying a sound machine would be a better bet. Some recommend playing radio static but that would make me absolutely insane. We have a sleep sounds CD that we will try when we transition her into her own room. I smell a New Years resolution coming...

I love my Petunia Pickle Bottom boxy backpack diaper bag. I got it as a "splurge" birthday present last year (for about 50% off!). It's a cute pattern that gets a lot of compliments. It can be used as a shoulder bag or a backpack and it has a removable changing pad, and big pockets on the inside and out. I am sure I would like it even more if I didn't stuff it full every time I left the house. However, I currently am able to keep an extra blanket, a shirt for me (long story for how I learned that is necessary...), an extra outfit for Alaina, 2 bibs, 2 burp cloths, 4-6 diapers, diaper rash cream, hand lotion, an ice pack cooler with bottles, and toys inside and my keys, phone, kleenex, and hand sanitizer in the outside pocket.

In terms of other random things--we now swear by triple paste diaper cream. We tried mustela and butt paste before that. I like the Safety 1st sleepy baby nail clippers. It has a light on it which helps you find the finger/toe nail. Though I'll be honest, it's almost impossible to cut her nails at this point. She hates it.

For bibs I almost always use Green sprouts. They are terry cloth, absorbent and the velcro is pretty strong (it resists Alaina trying to pull them off most of the time). There is something to be said for snap bibs but I really like the green sprout ones. There are tons of great colors, too and I try to always match her bib to her outfit. Our favorite burp cloths are just colored cloth diapers that I picked up at a consignment sale. They are big and absorbent. The gerber cloth diaper burp cloths (and many other thin ones) are dangerous if you have a heavy spitter. You might as well not have one at all.

Who knew there could be such diverging opinions on sleepers? Some people swear by gowns for the first few months. They make middle of the night diaper changes a breeze. But they also tend to ride up and they don't have feet. Chad has a strong preference for footed zipper sleepers. I liked the button up ones. We do a mix of both. I'll tell you what I do not like--the microfleece sleepers. They look all comfortable on the website and then you get them and they look like they will cause your baby to sweat and they feel funny. NOT a fan. We also rarely use the two-piece pjs because they don't have feet and Alaina's big ole belly pops out of the shirt. I thought we would use the halo sleep sacks more than we have so far but perhaps that's because we still swaddle and she isn't in her crib yet. Oops. In terms of sleepers and clothes in general, we've been really happy with Carters, Children's Place, Gymboree, and Baby Gap.

Like many babies, Alaina LOVES to be held. That's when she is happiest. I have not mastered the art of babywearing but she did really enjoy being held in the Moby Wrap and being carried in the Beco Gemini. It was a great way to get a few things done around the house but I haven't used them enough to really endorse them. Both did hurt my back somewhat but that was probably user error.

If breast feeding, I really liked Lanisoh nursing pads. I found the Medela ones too bulky and the Nuk ones scratchy and uncomfortable. Target makes really affordable nursing tanks that I basically lived in for 9 months. If you're formula feeding, I think Dr. Brown's formula pitcher is a must-have.

Lots of things are personal choice or we used but don't know if there was a better alternative. We used Medela bottles (also tried tommee tippee which we didn't like) and my pump was also medela. We use pampers swaddler diapers and sensitive wipes. I wanted to try cloth diapering but Chad was very against it. Given that he changes his fair share of diapers and I'm already always behind on laundry, it wasn't worth it to push him on this. So we couldn't have lived without the Diaper Genie. Well, maybe we could have but it would have been unpleasant. People either love these or hate them. We love it. And are so glad it's not the weird sausage linked bags of the past. Because that was just gross.

We make all of Alaina's baby food. This is not as daunting as one might think. We did not get a baby food maker. Instead I just use a steamer basket (e.g., pears, carrots, green beans) or oven (e.g., sweet potatoes) and the food processor to purée. The website wholesome baby foods is amazing. If we tried baby led weaning, it would be even easier. But currently I just make a batch of 1-2 purees and portion them in ice cube containers. Once frozen, I put them in labeled/dated ziploc bags. Super easy. We have the Graco DuoDiner high chair. I had my eye on the boon but just couldn't justify the price, even on sale.

As I've been thinking about these things, I also thought about items that were a waste of money or we didn't use:
We purchased a bottle sterilizer and dishwasher basket and have never used either. We hand wash all bottles and sterilize them with boiling water. The dishwasher basket is ridiculously tiny.

We never used a wipe warmer. I can see the appeal of this but I read reviews and most seemed to dry the wipes out. Alaina never seemed to have a problem with cold wipes.

We also never used a bottle warmer. We just put the bottle in a cup full of hot water for 3-5 minutes. A warmer would probably come in handy while traveling but we've made do.

If you hung in there until the end, good for you (or wow, you were bored!). Hopefully there was something helpful in there. If nothing else, it will help me to remember what I like/didn't like once the first year amnesia sets in.