Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Where does my time go?


Right now I have been spending some of my spare time enjoying holiday activities with A. They are the kinds of things I might typically eschew saying "I don't have time" to do. The past week has further shown me that Laura Vanderkam is right--it isn't about not having time. We all are given the exact same number of hours each week. When we say we don't have time, what we truly mean is that whatever we're not doing, it's because it's not a priority. That is completely okay, of course. Not everything can be a priority. But we should be more honest with ourselves that this is what we are doing.

I talked in a previous post about Vanderkam's book and how it helped fuse several challenges I've been considering lately. A few people have asked about my 100 dreams. I still have not finalized the list but I think about it a lot and have identified two to move toward currently. I have committed to making at least 1 new recipe per month and reading at least 10 books per year. Both of those seemed like pretty overwhelming goals but I have easily hit them since October. Some of the new recipes I've tried include creamy chicken with wild rice soup (completely amazing), lime roasted chicken (also fantastic), chicken with mushroom skillet pasta (this was not very good), fontina chicken (another good one), and pork loin with sweet potatoes and apples (this was okay). Since September I have read 168 hours, Casual Vacancy, Divergent, Dark Places, Insurgent, and I'm almost finished with Outlander and 12 weeks to writing your journal article. Earlier this year I read Sharp Objects, Gone Girl, Brother Odd, Lean in, and started but didn't finish Crime and Punishment and Getting to Yes. This is huge for me since I am not sure I read a single book in 2013. The major difference has been downloading e-books from the library and reading them on my kindle app on my phone. I just downloaded BossyPants and am waiting for my turn to read Allegiant.

I had also talked about the balance between recognizing adequate to good levels of productivity and recognizing (and changing) the amount of time I waste. In an effort to help me with this, Samantha (aka Dr Psych Mom) challenged me to provide her with information on our typical week and she is going to look at our schedule and offer suggestions. I know that I spend a good amount of energy complaining that our lives are terribly constrained by Chad's frustrating schedule (and an equal amount of time feeling unproductive guilt that there are single parents or parents who have significant others who travel a lot or are stationed overseas and somehow they manage, often with multiple children!). The 25 Days of Christmas has been good in the sense that it's allowing me to plan things and really spend time connecting to A instead of being attached to my phone during the evening hours while Chad is at work.

So Samantha asked for my schedule and some specific goals of what I want more time for. The things I know Samantha will say--I need to go to bed earlier and get up earlier. I've been resistant to doing that. As you'll see, most of my downtime and productive time is from 10pm-2am. I know that this is not optimal. I just haven't been able to find a better way to make it work.

In terms of schedule: generally, I get to work between 8:30-9am (depending on who drops off A at school) and I leave to pick her up by 5:20pm. Chad does drop off on Tuesday/Thursday and pick-up on Thursday afternoon.  I have a lot of meetings that are nonnegotiable and can't really be much shorter. My office becomes pretty crowded at times with colleagues stopping by to chat. I know that I could shut my door (and I do shut my door for protected writing time) and set better boundaries but I like the adult interaction and it's the only consistent socialization I have currently.

This is not a completely 'typical' week but the book suggests no week is typical. Previously this semester I taught for 3 hours on Wednesday and 2 hours on Thursday and those slots have been replaced with a dr.'s appointment and a holiday party. We also have meetings 2-3 times per month on Tuesday afternoons. I've posted an earlier week from the semester as well. Next semester I have a course release which means I'm only teaching on Thursday. However, I will have administrative duties which will certainly fill the time (the reason for the course release).




I generally don't get up until 7:20. Chad gets A up at 7:30 and helps get her ready. I drop her off around 8:30 on MWF; Chad drops her off at 8 on T/TH. I then go straight to work and then I pick up A and we are usually home between 5:45-6pm. We generally play, read books, watch tv, do activities. She likes to help in the kitchen but does get bored easily with cooking and baking. Most afternoons she ends up watching 2 tv shows of 20-30 minutes while I clean the kitchen (and admittedly, play on my phone). I attempt to feed her (to no avail because she doesn't really eat at home). Chad gets home between 8:15-8:30 and we eat dinner, give her a bath, and put her to bed by 9:30 [which is too late and I'm open to suggestions here as well]. One to two times per week, Chad and I will watch a tv show until 10:30 when he goes to bed. Then I stay up and work/take downtime. I save all grading, lecture prepping, and journal reviews for weeknights because I do not want that cutting into my time at work which is already full of things that aren't moving me toward research goals. When I teach online courses (starting again next week), I also attempt to work on the class outside of business hours because I know it can suck away all of my time. I have been trying to keep Friday afternoons free for time with Chad and A because he works weekends so we have little family time. I cycle through feeling like that's the right thing to do and feeling bitter that I have to take time outside of my work if I want to spend time with my family. The last several weeks, I've been completely out of the office on Fridays though due to the holiday, taking A to the doctor out of town, and family visits. 

Chad works Saturday-Wednesday. M-W he leaves by 8 am and is home by 8:15pm. On Saturdays, he leaves at 8 am and is home by 7:15pm and on Sundays he leaves at 10 and is home by 6:15pm. During the weekend, I do the meal planning for the week, take A to the grocery store, do general cleaning, clean all laundry (which does not include folding, which is almost never done...), cook meals, and try to work in a few fun, connecting activities with A. 

So my goals/questions for Samantha would be:
  • I keep feeling like something has to give. We've kept up with this for 11 months now but I feel pretty stretched and like I am waiting for something to change (which isn't going to happen). We don't do date nights (occasionally I go out with a group of women that have been getting together for a monthly dinner for the last 4 years; I did this monthly for awhile but now if it is scheduled on a M-W, I typically don't go because it would require getting a sitter).
  • My biggest goal/hurdle/obstacle is that I would really like to get motivated to exercise again. I've started inconsistently a few times but I easily fall into the "I'm too tired"/"I don't have time" trap. I really am tired. I do not want to get up at 5 am to run in the cold...
For those that are interested, I downloaded RescueTime to my computer and I love it for accountability (and just tracking) time. I had a slightly better day today than I expected and the tracking obviously helps be more mindful of what I'm doing when I'm on the computer. 





2 comments:

  1. I see someone stole my book idea - we all have the same amount of time, it's how we choose to spend it that makes the difference. Anyways, I'm in the same boat - I'm tired but I want to exercise. How do I get motivated? What do I give up?

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  2. I really liked 168 hours. I think you would get something from it. I also "liked" it on Facebook and see lots of good articles and blogs (that take up your time telling you how to more effectively use your time...). I bet Samantha would love to analyze your schedule, too!

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