Dumpster fire: 2020 in review

 It feels futile to review our past year. We survived; the end? 

Of course you know that reflection (and rumination) is far too tempting for me. I do know I will one day forget the nuances of our "Pandemic Year 1" (please, please let 2021 be the last year we can reference in pandemic terms!). Of all years past, this should have been the year of lowered expectations and letting go of guilt and shame of things not accomplished. It is always an aspiration (see the years of the past for reference).

2019

2018

2017

2016

2015

2014

2013

But seriously. I have just stared at my screen for the last 5 minutes trying to figure out what to say. To be honest with you, that is a pretty accurate summary of the last 9 months, trying to write/work. While Chad has worked in person throughout the pandemic, A and I have basically been home since March, isolated from folks, save a couple of trips to the office each month. We recognize how incredibly privileged we are for so many reasons--that I was allowed to work from home due to A's asthma; that A can participate in virtual school; and that Chad was able to keep working. While Chad's work is our biggest exposure point, amidst so many folks losing jobs and the economy struggling, we are glad that his job has been secure (apparently a number of folks used this time to remodel their kitchens and/or appliances were overworked and needed to be replaced)! 

While we definitely made some good memories this year, looking back at my 2020 goals this year was a little painful...

Plan trips? Yikes. We canceled a trip to Ohio for a wedding and were not able to go to Kentucky or Michigan to visit family...Stay on top of editorial tasks? Ha! In addition to it being virtually impossible to secure reviewers (I understand this--I had to say no to a record number!), there were more submissions this year than ever! Continue friend dates? Eek. My last colleague lunch was March 6 and previous tea/work dates were prior to that. Volunteer at the food bank? Nope. I should have walked the dogs regularly, went to bed earlier, ate fruit/vegetables, and landscaped the backyard but alas. All of that said, I was able to connect with friends via Zoom, found joy in sending people surprises via grub hub/door dash, and I would not have made it through this period of time without some really awesome text/messaging groups with daily check-ins, memes, vent sessions, and photos of cute kids and yummy food.

In terms of work, we somehow submitted an NIH R34 grant in June (not discussed with pretty crummy reviews) and, after a lotttttt of frustration, I submitted our program's self-study (all inclusive it was 896 pages!) in December. We were able to move our community study to a virtual platform after canceling participants in the spring. I'm nervous but hopeful that we will be able to collect enough folks to end the project at the end of June. Along with a number of faculty in my department, I spent some time this summer completing an antiracism training program, which continues to challenge me in my daily life and within academia. I moved all my classes and meetings online and that went relatively okay, though the break from zoom meetings sure was appreciated over the last two weeks. I hope that I can get more done in terms of research writing and student submissions in the coming months. Normally, I would look back on the number of decision letters, journal reviews, ADOS administrations, and manuscripts submitted but I'm honestly afraid to even look at this.

I went through a reading slump, especially since so much of time was spent reading about COVID, planning for homeschooling, etc. However, I ended strong finishing 55 books. Favorites were Giver of the Stars, Hill Women, Dear Martin, The Great Believers, and Such a Fun Age. During the summer, I had virtual meetings on Sunday mornings with two friends and we set house goals. With A's help, I was able to reorganize the playroom and closet and declutter most every room in the house. Another (unplanned) success was lots of time baking--sourdough, focaccia, asiago bagels, English muffins, garlic knots, baguettes, olive oil and rosemary crackers, pretzels, yeast rolls, sandwich bread, and pizza dough. We also got to play lots of board games and watch movies as a family. School was really tough for A this fall due to the virtual platform Edgenuity and missing her teachers and friends. However, we are hopeful this reset will help us and want to make a plan for better success in the spring. We absolutely cannot wait until it's safe to return to school. 

So that's it. That was 2020. What a hot mess. 

We are super hopeful this year brings continued good health, safety, compassion for our neighbors, and some semblance of equilibrium and normality. As we hope for this return, we also will continue thinking about what parts of our "pandemic lives" we would like to maintain moving forward.

2020 Performance Review

Similar to last year, I realized there is nothing new under my sun when it comes to thinking about goals for the new year. I had a couple of colleagues over last weekend to sit down with our brand new planners and think about what we wanted to accomplish this semester. As I was chatting about my process, I shared that I often do not meet my annual/semester/weekly/daily goals and resolutions and that it is surprising to me that I remain so steadfast in my love of lists and planning. I think what sells me on it is that, though my timeframe is often delayed, I love the sense of purpose and moving toward progress. Goals, to do lists, and planners provide this for me (2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013). As I have discussed in the past, not everyone feels the same way. But these reflections (and inadvertent self-plagiarism) bring value to my life.

I have again (ahem, 2013/2015 me) looked more toward values in cultivating ideas for the exciting blank page that is 2020. I've tried to set more attainable goals or continuations of things I want to keep doing. I think these goals are pretty self-explanatory so unlike previous years, I don't feel the need to pontificate on them.

Here's to a 2020 full of valued living and seeking equilibrium.

2019 under review

If you are friends with me on Facebook, you would see that 2019 has been the year of time slipping through my fingers and rushing to get things done barely flying by the seat of my pants. This entry is a fabulous continuation of that. It is technically January 1, 2020 as I am writing this New Year's Eve recollection but thanks to the magic of back scheduling and Facebook post edits, future me could be none the wiser as reminders of "this day" appear on future NYE memories.

That said, taking time for reflection upon my goals, wishes, and planned lists is valuable to me. Reviewing my previous reflections (metareflection?) remind me of important lessons I've learned over the past year. While reading last year's review, I was surprised by how prepared I had been for the new year and I was pleased to see my acknowledgment of (un)met goals balanced with the continued struggle of having too many things on my plate. One particular line stood out to me that seems worth repeating.

So, as always, I am struck with a thought that maybe a goal for the new year should be to decrease the shame and guilt of the things not accomplished. Or perhaps the goal should be to say yes to fewer things so that I am not letting people down so often. Or maybe feel more guilt and hope that leads to wasting less time. Or to live in the positive of the things I have done well. Harmony likely exists somewhere in the midst of all of these.

So, as I have done in the past (2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013), I'd like to reflect back on the year as a whole as well as the plans I had.

Overall, 2019 was a very good year. Moments worth remembering included trips to New Orleans, San Diego, Buffalo, and Broken Bow; receiving a promotion to Professor and a university-sponsored mentoring award; experiencing tremendous joy and love from turning 40; and having visits from both my family and Chad's family. I got a season pass to Frontier City on a whim (due to targeted emails about a super sale!, when in fact, I think that the 70% off super sale is basically all year long given that I receive those messages every few weeks...) and although the pass is for 2020, we went 5 times in 2019. It's a great little way to get out of the house.

Although I have not been blogging, most people at work or in my social circles are pretty aware that I have extreme ambivalence about how sabbatical went. First, I will say I am very proud of how I overcame my fear and litany of excuses of working in coffee shops and other public spaces (thanks to a few OSU colleagues forcing me out of my comfort zone). While it still feels uncomfortable and like I do not belong there, I have continued doing it anyway and it has not only helped me prioritize my writing time, it has also decreased my need to work late night hours. This has been exceptionally good for me.
Two things happened that made sabbatical less productive for me, however. One was that the grant that started in July 2018 began recruiting community participants in January. There were many administrative factors that caused tremendous stress and took hours to handle each week, mostly surrounding participant payment reimbursement. I spent no less than 3 hours every week between February and June trying to deal with these frustrations (so basically more time than the amount of administrative meetings I was able to miss each week due to sabbatical releases). I learned a lot of lessons that made recruitment go more smoothly this Fall but I'm still a bit bitter about the whole thing.
The second factor was a happy one but was still time-consuming. In early spring, I was separately asked to serve as an Associate Editor for two journals in my field. This honestly came as a true shock to me despite always completing a relatively hefty number of journal reviews (36-55 per year). Being asked therefore meant a lot to me. With hindsight, I can now say that I would have benefited from asking to defer my start until May. I handled 36 manuscripts last year and have written 28 decision letters (with 3 more coming this week and awaiting reviewers on 5 others), while I do not have a comparison point, this was a lot for me. I started drowning in decision letters and revision submissions around August and just recovered from that last week (at one point having 11 decision letters on my to do list!). I am hopeful that I have figured out ways to better balance this and have better calibrated by process so that I don't ever get so behind again. This also led me to say no to more requests than ever, which made me uncomfortable for a lot of reasons.

Many other exciting things happened this year--we got a puppy who, while adorable and cuddly, is completely rotten and the most stubborn dog I have every encountered. We are working on this. We also hired someone to replace the flooring in our living room. Our carpet was installed when the home was built in 2005 and had suffered through two owners, A's infancy, Madeline's accidents, Jasper's illness, and Baxter's puppyhood. To say that it was looking rough was an understatement. I'm still adjusting to the new flooring (even positive change is hard for me) but do love the look. Also new, A moved into second grade and into a brand new school. We love her school and her wonderful (also brand new!) teacher so much. Not surprisingly, A sobbed at the start of winter break because she already missed her teacher and going to school. She has been reading like a fiend, finishing 1-3 books almost daily. Her current favorites include the A to Z Mysteries and Calendar Mysteries though she also went through a Dogman phase. For a kid identified as "behind" in reading in kindergarten, we are so thrilled to see her love of reading and learning. Socially, she reports that life is still tough for her as she struggles with criticism from other kids, playing with nonpreferred friends or in nonpreferred activities, with joining friend groups, and with allowing others to make decisions for her about her play. Her teacher assures us that she is doing okay, though. This has been an ongoing thing since pre-k so we will just continue to monitor. Over the summer, she experienced tremendous anxiety, secondary to reading Harry Potter as a family so we completed a CBT manual and I cannot recommend this book enough. As a psychology professor, I was tremendously impressed and as a parent, it was highly doable.

Whew. This is why I need to do more blog posts. I apparently had a lot to share.

In terms of the goals I set, you might recall that I separated them into 3 categories.

I know I can:

• Read 4 books per month; continue expanding selection to include more diverse authors and content

I am pleased with how this went, including that I read a fairly diverse range of authors and content. I ended at 55 books, despite some of my reading time at night now being taken up by studying for the licensure exam. My favorite books of this year were: Where the Crawdads Sing, Whisper Network, I won't die with you tonight, Educated, Little Fires Everywhere and An American Marriage. 

• Make 1 new recipe per month

I did not really track this goal, though it is likely that I made at least 12 new meals this year. Nachos with homemade queso was a favorite.

• Continue cultivating friendships with colleagues, Stillwater moms, and long-distance friends

Again, this has become an important priority for me with me also making a couple of new friends. Finding ways to meet colleagues to work in coffee shops has also helped in this regard. Staying in touch with long distance friends has been less successful and should be prioritized in the coming year. 

• Watch "must-see" movies

I finally watched Waitress and Breakfast at Tiffany's (I might or might not have watched that on NYE...). Neither were what I expected though I would like to have seen Waitress on stage.

• Plan a family trip to San Diego; plan conference travel to New Orleans (must: eat a beignet!) and Buffalo

We did all of these! We also went on a trip for Fall Break which was wonderful--our first road trip!

I will try my best to:

• Exercise 3 times per week (especially cardio)

I did not do well with this. I went to the gym twice per week part of the year but haven't been back since September. I started physical therapy in the fall but also fell off that wagon.

• Submit 6 manuscripts and 1 grant

This is a tricky one. I did not submit a grant but I did complete my first year of collecting data for a funded grant. I have plans to submit a grant in spring or summer, at the behest of my graduate student. In terms of new submissions, I only submitted 4 new manuscripts which is down for me. There are a lot of things that factor into this so I'm trying not to panic about it. That said, I was a part of three resubmissions that were ultimately accepted, though none were from my research lab.

• Have regular family game nights

Any behaviorist worth their salt would tell you to have specifically defined goals. This one is too vague. Does once per quarter count as "regular"? If so, we hit that. Weekly or monthly? Nope.

• Complete curriculum review this summer

Nope.

• Order A's t-shirt quilt

Nope.

• Complete the KonMari decluttering method again

Nope. Didn't even try.

• Have a productive sabbatical

See above. Ultimately I had two first-author papers get published that were submitted on sabbatical but yea.

I hope to:

• Make turning 40 (!!) special

Absolutely. Thank you to everyone who helped make it so absolutely wonderful.

• Learn a new skill 

Nope.

• Eat more vegetables and fruit

Nope. Shamefully.

• Take EPPP and get licensed

Nope. However, I have scheduled my exam and I thankfully have met my postdoctoral clinical hours--finally!

• Visit Kentucky with A

Sadly, I just couldn't make that happen.

• Improve sleep hygiene

Despite still having days where I randomly stay up until 2 AM, I am going to count this one as a win.

• Reduce phone usage

Not enough, if at all.

• Plan a weekend trip (Dallas? Branson? Kansas City?)

Yes, our trip to Broken Bow was perfect. I want to do more of these!

• Earn promotion to Full Professor

YES!

• Get a puppy (shhh, I know, terrible idea...)

Yes. See also, regret getting a puppy. At least I knew it was a terrible idea. I just didn't know quite how long I would think the idea was terrible.


So overall, this was a good year, full of lots of positives to remember. Here's hoping that 2020 is equally lovely.

2019 Performance Review

So this is apparently my fifth year of struggling with the semantics of resolutions, goals, plans, etc. I always think I am being novel in my thought process and then go back to review my previous posts only to see the very same ideas I've outline previously. Do I want to post value based "anti-resolutions" (like in 2013 and 2015)? Business-based but appreciative of the hot mess daily life ambivalent performance review style (like in 2016)? Goal lists (such as 2017 and 2018)? Clearly self-plagiarism is a serious problem in this blog. The previous posts had some great links to articles on goal-setting and resolutions, though!

I just love the process so much. A new year. A new calendar page. A new bullet journal notebook. All are fresh with possibilities and unhampered by the previous years. It's sort of ironic for someone who hates change as much as me to love the holiday that most represents opportunity for change. But alas. This year, I'm again considering where I would like to be next year personally and professionally (e.g., I'm now up to 42 on my list of 100 things and am wondering if I can push it to 50 by next December?). As I have reflected on my goals, I realized that there are some goals/habits that I like to track but do pretty well without much pushing; I have some goals that require extra planning or pushing; and finally, I have some goals that are rather aspirational. Someone on Facebook posted a photo of a goal page they saw and it was pretty consistent with these categories.

I know I can:

• Read 4 books per month; continue expanding selection to include more diverse authors and content
• Make 1 new recipe per month
• Continue cultivating friendships with colleagues, Stillwater moms, and long-distance friends
• Watch "must-see" movies
• Plan a family trip to San Diego; plan conference travel to New Orleans (must: eat a beignet!) and Buffalo

I will try my best to:

• Exercise 3 times per week (especially cardio)
• Submit 6 manuscripts and 1 grant
• Have regular family game nights
• Complete curriculum review this summer
• Order A's t-shirt quilt
• Complete the KonMari decluttering method again
• Have a productive sabbatical

I hope to:

• Make turning 40 (!!) special
• Learn a new skill 
• Eat more vegetables and fruit
• Take EPPP and get licensed
• Visit Kentucky with A
• Improve sleep hygiene
• Reduce phone usage
• Plan a weekend trip (Dallas? Branson? Kansas City?)
• Earn promotion to Full Professor
• Get a puppy (shhh, I know, terrible idea...)

I hope that you all have a great 2019. If you are an anti-resolutions new year/new goal hater, that works, too. People will mostly have stopped talking about their goals by next week.

2018 under review

I am feeling a little more ready for the new year this year and I'm not entirely sure why. I think I have been spending time in my head planning for winter break and spring 2019 for weeks so for the first time in awhile, new year's eve didn't creep up on me.

What hasn't changed from previous years is my continued ambivalence and inability to hold two opposing truths in my head at once. I have never been so late on so many things in my life. This weighs on me heavily (and I feel guilt for working on a blog post at 1am rather than academic writing). I feel like I've let many people down and that I have not done enough for my current and former students.

And yet.
I have undeniable goals that were met. We have had a lot of happy moments, as pictured above and below. I received a small grant (~$135,000) to fund community data collection (and my students' stipends) for a current study. I applied for a promotion to full professor and I think that process has gone well to this point (decisions are not made until July 2019, however). I mentored three dissertation defenses and one dissertation proposal. I spearheaded the application for our program's accreditation and site visit. I continued seeing clients. We went on three family trips, including Disney. And I know that I have been there for A. She is doing well and for that I am thankful. She finished kindergarten and has done remarkably well transitioning into first grade. She is kind and thoughtful. And she is so funny and artistic. She knows her family loves her.

So, as always, I am struck with a thought that maybe a goal for the new year should be to decrease the shame and guilt of the things not accomplished. Or perhaps the goal should be to say yes to fewer things so that I am not letting people down so often. Or maybe feel more guilt and hope that leads to wasting less time. Or to live in the positive of the things I have done well. Harmony likely exists somewhere in the midst of all of these.

As I have said in the past, these posts are really just a way for me to get to revel in my love of lists, goals, and critically evaluating myself. I'm going to indicate my goals and success rates for 2018 on the ridiculous list of goals and provide links for the last 5 years...2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013. This time of year is also fun for me because I get to make my review pretty in my bullet journal. A year always looks more celebratory in color.

Professional goals

• Submit 6 manuscripts (including at least 4 current or former student first author manuscripts)

While I exceeded the number of manuscripts (11) and at least 4 include current or former students as first authors or co-authors, most of this again comes from outside of my research lab and away from my students. I also have several manuscripts sitting on my desk, waiting for movement from me.

• Resubmit NIH and OCAST grants

I submitted both and, by some miracle, did receive the OCAST grant.

• Create a plan/set up for successful sabbatical (Spring 2019)

I've worked on some goals for this but need to keep working on this plan.

• Take EPPP (Step 1: decide to study? Step 2: schedule?)

Nope. And I don't even feel that bad about this.

• Attend 3 national conferences

Meh. Two is fine. I don't feel bad about this either.

• Say "no" more (Step 1: read book on saying "no" more?)--journal reviews and overload courses are culprits 

Looks like I have a book on my list to add for next year...I didn't teach the winter online course, though, which is huge for me.

• Submit PCSAS application

Yes. Yes. Yes. This was huge. And we received accreditation!

• Propose curriculum changes

Nope. This should be a summer 2019 priority.

• Send out alumni survey

This was a much bigger undertaking than I expected but YES, I completed the alumni and a current student survey. Wrangling alumni to complete it took months.

• Catch up on client notes

No. The shame.

Personal goals

• Set up Forest app to automatically reduce phone usage in mornings and evenings

Somehow I forgot the plan to achieve this goal. I did create a "bedtime" on my phone. Ahem.

• Read, on average, 4 books per month. Continue stretching across genres and reading diverse lengths of books. Intentionally include more nonfiction, classics, and books by authors of color.

I exceeded this challenge by reading 55 books. I have three other books started that I haven’t finished that I plan to get to soon. Favorites were Homegoing, The Nightingale, and Bad Feminist. I included more books with voices different from my own, authors from underrepresented groups, and about topics I typically haven't read. I plan to continue this in future reading challenges as it has been really great!

• Get to the gym 3-5 times per week. Average 15-25 miles 'running' per month.

The year started out well enough. I was going to the gym 2-3 times per week and working out with a personal trainer. This seemed to start slipping though and, though I was still going semi-regularly, in September my trainer was on a trip and then I went on a trip and then...I never went back. So. There's that.

• Start tracking calories.

This has not gone well. Again. Terribly might be a more apt word. I did meet with a nutritionist and she was lovely. It just did not translate into action.

• Continue making at least 1 new monthly recipe. Try at least 3 fancy or more challenging recipes this year (any suggestions?). Incorporate healthy recipes in meal plan (help!).

Most months I tried multiple new recipes. Favorites this year were parmesan orzotto with pancetta and corn and sheet pan lemon parmesan garlic chicken with potatoes and green beans. None of these were particularly fancy or healthy. I did try making chocolate beet muffins but they were gross.

• Get 6+ hours sleep at least 5 days per week (Step 1: figure out how to achieve this)

I should actually calculate my sleep. Maybe it isn't as bad as people think.

• Develop a plan for learning new language? (Step 1: determine if this is a goal I actually want to accomplish this year)

By default, I think I decided this was not a goal I wanted to achieve this year.

• Create plan for high clutter areas (e.g., laundry room, mail)

Carrying over to next year...

• Follow through on thoughtful ideas for friends

I think I was slightly better at this than previous years. I am also learning my limits so that I do not feel guilty that I am not thoughtful in ways that do not fit my capacity.

• Consider hiring laundry service

Still considering, I guess.

• Call about singing lessons

One day...

• Find person to make Alaina's t-shirt quilt

Does copying a phone number count as progress? 

• Eat at least 2 fruits or veggies per day (start making smoothies again?)

Sadly, this likely is often not met.

• Set up quarterly donations to food bank

I did do this one!

• Watch movies that have been nagging at me for years--Breakfast at Tiffany's and Waitress

This is still on my list. I have DVR'd Breakfast at Tiffany's so I am calling this a partial win.

• Continue semi-regular dates with 1) other moms and 2) colleagues

I have done fairly well with this. Shout out to those who've joined me for movie nights and trips to Simplicity, etc.!

• Have board game nights with Chad

I did better at this in the spring and summer. Need to get back into it--I know it would make him happy.

2018 Performance Review

There is little that brings me more pleasure and peace than lists and goal setting. On this blog, over the last several years, I've vacillated between refusal to set resolutions because the evidence for their effectiveness is so slim, to embracing the euphoria I'm filled with when given a blank page to set goals (2013 values based post, 2015 values based post, 2016 ambivalence, 2017 goals based post--apparently I was too stressed in 2014 to do anything other than get through the day!). I know that I will be lucky to fulfill even a fraction of what I want to accomplish this year, but little glimmers of optimism always shine through on New Years Day and make me giddy with the potential for great things to come. No worries, the defensive pessimist in me is already warning about the problems of too many goals and setting myself up for failure. The upcoming year should at least be full of fun as we have family visiting in January, go to Disney in February, and are looking at a trip to Yellowstone in June. I looked at my "100 Things" list again tonight and was happy to see that on January 1, 2017, I had 29 items checked off and tonight I have 37 items. 

Before I outline my goals for what the "2018 Under Review" evaluation will look like, I wanted to share a really phenomenal set of potential resolutions written by my former supervisor, Dr. David Susman--he outlines 10 ways that we each can "Resolve to Save a Life". I encourage you to take a look. It's really great!

Professional goals

• Submit 6 manuscripts (including at least 4 student first author manuscripts)
• Resubmit NIH and OCAST grants
• Create a plan/set up for successful sabbatical (Spring 2019)
• Take EPPP (Step 1: decide to study? Step 2: schedule?)
• Attend 3 national conferences
• Say "no" more (Step 1: read book on saying "no" more?)--journal reviews and overload courses are culprits 
• Submit PCSAS application
• Propose curriculum changes
• Send out alumni survey
• Catch up on client notes

Personal goals

• Set up Forest app to automatically reduce phone usage in mornings and evenings
• Read, on average, 4 books per month. Continue stretching across genres and reading diverse lengths of books. Intentionally include more nonfiction, classics, and books by authors of color.
• Get to the gym 3-5 times per week. Average 15-25 miles 'running' per month.
• Start tracking calories.
• Continue making at least 1 new monthly recipe. Try at least 3 fancy or more challenging recipes this year (any suggestions?). Incorporate healthy recipes in meal plan (help!).
• Get 6+ hours sleep at least 5 days per week (Step 1: figure out how to achieve this)
• Develop a plan for learning new language? (Step 1: determine if this is a goal I actually want to accomplish this year)
• Create plan for high clutter areas (e.g., laundry room, mail)
• Follow through on thoughtful ideas for friends
• Consider hiring laundry service
• Call about singing lessons
• Find person to make Alaina's t-shirt quilt
• Eat at least 2 fruits or veggies per day (start making smoothies again?)
• Set up quarterly donations to food bank
• Watch movies that have been nagging at me for years--Breakfast at Tiffany's and Waitress
• Continue semi-regular dates with 1) other moms and 2) colleagues
• Have board game nights with Chad

This is a lot, I know! I'm going to schedule quarterly check ins now so that I at least do not forget the goals I set.

2017 under review

Apparently getting older is just a series of me saying “how is it already another year? How is it New Year’s Eve? Wasn’t it just Halloween?” My weeks just fly by lately. 

But here it is. New Year’s Eve again. As I reflect back on the year, I feel a great deal of ambivalence. There was so much good—in our home, our work, and within our family and friends’ circles. There was also uncertainty. In some ways, I feel like it was my least productive year in terms of professional and personal goals and in other ways I know that cannot be true. 

I am so very thankful for sweet pea. She has grown and matured so much in the last few months and while that is bittersweet, she is among my very favorite people to spend time with each day. Five is not easy. But five is fun. Five is also kindergarten. And that thought remains completely impossible. 

Our job situations are great and we both are so happy where we are at work. The house is good. Chad and Alaina love our dog and I am developing tolerance for her (sometimes I even like her...a little). This year saw our first family vacation where we managed to also go with close friends, which is a tradition we look forward to repeating for years to come.

I love lists, goals, and critically evaluating myself so this end of the year task is always a favorite for me (Want to see how much I love it? Here are links for the last 4 years! 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013). Below are my goals and success ratings for 2017. 

▪️Read approximately 4 books per month
Yes, I read 48 books. I have five other books started that I haven’t finished that I plan to get to soon. Favorites were A Man called Ove and The Hate U Give.

▪️ Try a new recipe each month
Yes, most months I tried multiple new recipes. Favorites this year were lasagna in the instant pot, fontina mushroom pasta, and salted caramel Kentucky butter cake.

▪️ Submit 6 new manuscripts per year.
While this is technically true, most of this comes from outside of my research lab and away from my students so this one feels a bit unfinished.

▪️ Track calories
This has not gone well.

▪️ Treadmill 2-3 times weekly
While I sold my treadmill, I did join a gym, go at least twice weekly, and hired a personal trainer. I did best from June through August but started slipping once the new semester began. I made it to 116 miles running/walking on the treadmill. This is better than 0.
That said, I also gained approximately 12 pounds. So that is clearly not a win (see calorie tracking, above).

▪️ Submit 1-2 grants
Yes, and while neither were funded, both were scored. So, very very small yay for that.

▪️ Reduce phone usage
I downloaded the Forest app which is really very cool…when I remember to use it.

▪️ Sleep 6-8 hours/night
I forgot this was even a goal. And no.

▪️ Download DuoLingo
I love this goal. Yes, I downloaded the app. We have not made it very far, however.

▪️ Complete a no-spend challenge
Nope

▪️ Apply for licensure
I actually did this. It has been an enormous and colossal pain but I am at least moving forward.


▪️ KM: digital, sentimental
Nope.

▪️ Create Christmas budget
No, I also forgot this was a goal.

▪️ Create Disney budget
Yes, and we are ready to pay the remaining balance this week to leave next month.

▪️ Be a thoughtful friend
Still working on this one.

2017 Performance Review

#lifegoals: princess fireman

Every year I pontificate about not really believing in New Year's Resolutions and that we should focus more on goals and values. Frankly, the more time I spend on this, the more I think I just lie to myself.

I love having lists and checking things off.

The differences between goals and resolutions as described by most people, seem more like differences in semantics. My previous blog looked at how well we did (if one can quantify such a thing) last year so I want to again set some goals for the upcoming year. I really love Laura Vanderkam's suggestion of writing a performance review at the beginning of the year [2016; 2015], so here is where I hope to be (or hope to be progressing) by the end of the year. I should note, I'm fully aware that too many goals is a great way to fail across the board. That's kind of my M-O.

If anyone knows a good behavioral psychologist, I know a mom who could use help sleep training--herself... ;) 

Continued goals:
Read 4 books/month on average
Try a new recipe each month
Submit 6 new manuscripts 

Goals I didn't meet last year:
Track calories in MFP
Treadmill 2-3x weekly
Submit 1-2 grants
Stop using my phone from 7am-8am and 6pm-9pm

New goals:
Get 6-8 hours sleep/night
Download DuoLingo
Complete a no-spend challenge
Apply for licensure
KM: digital, sentimental
Create Christmas budget
Create Disney budget
Be a thoughtful friend (send flowers, etc.)

So, let's do this! I have my new bullet journal ready to start tracking. :)

2016: under review

This year feels like there is an awful lot to reflect on, both good and bad. Every year has ups and downs and it is important to remember both. I haven't done as well blogging this year which makes me a little nervous about years to come. However, in keeping with tradition (at least in the last several years, here are 2013, 2014 and 2015), I wanted to blog about our year.

• We are most happy to have such a wonderful little girl. We are thankful to still have a loving and healthily stubborn puppy. I spent a lot of time (and a bit of money) getting our house in order, thanks to the KonMari method of decluttering. 
• I had some parenting wins like science projects, gardening with insects, reading more books than ever, taking A to work, celebrating holidays, and realizing just how kind and special she is growing. A also got to ride on her very first airplane. Sadly, I never posted about our Kentucky or Michigan trips.
• I also had the most terrible parenting moment that still shakes me to my very core and makes me grow teary every time I think about it. Occasionally when we pass the hospital, A will say "we went there when I bumped my head? Momma, are you still sad? But are you happy?" That basically sums up my every emotion. 
• A turned four. We had to make a difficult decision about pre-k and are so very happy that we stayed in her current school. She is flourishing and happy and gets to play all day with her friends. We truly cannot believe that this is our last few months before we have a school aged child. It takes my breath away. 
• I was happy that A continued gymnastics but we also started ballet and she took summer swimming lessons. It is fun and interesting to think about what she will enjoy from these activities. 

In looking at my unquantified goals and values for this year, I think we did okay. It probably wasn't our best year but we also had some really good moments.

Family
One of my family goals was for us to be "happy in our space, physically and emotionally." I feel really good about our physical space. Our house has so much more room to breathe. Of course there are things that could always change (our carpet should be replaced with hardwood floors and our backyard needs serious landscaping especially after our hilarious attempt at gardening last year). Emotionally it is still difficult to be in Oklahoma, so far from family and lifelong friends. That said, we are so pleased that we were able to make it back home to both Kentucky and Michigan this year. The visits were bittersweet because they were reminders of all that we are missing but it was so good to see everyone. We are already planning a trip back to Kentucky (at least me and Alaina) in the summer because the UK Psychology Department is having a reunion because they are turning 100 years old!

Exercising seems to be a constant theme of failure for me. I'm realizing though that my failures to exercise tend to be related to sleep so this year I am planning to focus on sleep goals (more about that in my next post!). That and I have never truly been an exerciser...

We did an awesome job being adults by opening a college account for A and by finally beginning to contribute to our retirement accounts. We also paid off our credit card debt and one of my student loans. We wrote a free will online but I'm still considering consulting with an attorney about estate planning.

Work
Work is hard. As always, I compare myself more to what I'm not doing or accomplishing. I have colleagues who will always be funded and publish exponentially more than me and I know this intellectually. Overall though, we had good papers come out of the lab, we wrapped up two major projects, and started what I think is a really cool study. I didn't let go of as many of the overload courses as I planned (again, my own doing). I attended a few conferences. I got good teaching evals. I've discovered that I get more done between January through July so I hope to capitalize on this in the future. DCT is moving along. I caught up on signing all of my clinical notes! {and am now behind again} I also started bullet journaling, as you can see below. ;)

For my specific goals:
Read 4 books/month on average
Close. I read 46 books this year. I think I would have easily hit my goal but got sucked into election coverage in October and November. I also didn't travel to any conferences this fall which meant no airplane reading.

New recipe each month
Easily. The instant pot also helped with this a ton!

Consistently log in MFP 
Nope

Treadmill 3x weekly
Nope

Have veggies 4x weekly
Nope

Finish academy application
Yes, this took so much longer than I anticipated but we finally got it done. We may not get approved but I'm glad we took this step. 

Submit 6 new manuscripts 
Done+

Reduce phone usage
I did not do as well with this as I would have liked but have renewed hope for the future

Make good faith effort on tidying
As I mentioned above, this went really well. I stalled out on the sentimental and digital categories but hope to finish those this year. I might go back through everything again to help with maintenance.

Backyard landscaping
I put in a few bushes and we spent a great deal of time putting in tomatoes, herbs, strawberries, etc. However, the backyard is a total hot mess. Clearly, we need to hire someone.

Start 529 account
Done!

Contribute to 401k
Done!