Dear baby A,
It's so hard to believe you are 12 months old. The last few months have gone by so fast. You change daily and I'm so afraid I'm going to lose the precious memories of the funny and sweet things you do.
Your daddy and my favorite thing you do is give hugs. Everyone who holds you loves how cuddly you are. You love to lay your head on my shoulder, my stomach, or my leg. Sometimes it's when you're sleepy and sometimes it's for no reason at all, except to show affection. Today you were playing with your toys and you saw me watching you and you dropped everything to give me a hug. It melted my heart. I hope you always love this much.
You think mouth noises are hilarious. You love to play with sounds and have more raspberries in your repertoire than most singers have notes in their range. Today you discovered the fun of strumming your lips while humming and it gave us all such joy! You just wanted to show us (and have us mimic back--daddy was terrifically awful!) over and over.
At night, you still like being all wrapped up and getting a bottle before bed. After you fall asleep and I put you in your crib, you often scoot yourself to the side and stroke the crib slats in your sleep. It's the sweetest thing. You are always moving, even in your sleep. Sometimes we can't find you on the video camera because you've scooted into a blind spot.
You love going to school. Your favorite teachers are Ms. Katie and Ms. Myesha. You have several little friends and this makes me happy. You, Breckin, and Nathan play really well together. Lately the three of you apparently like to crawl behind the glider and hide. It's too cute for words.
You have the best laugh. And you use it often. You are a very happy baby. The things that make you laugh most are: playing ball with Jasper, sneezes (fake or real), Madeline's snorts, peek a boo, and back/neck/foot tickles.
Your favorite foods are avocado, squash, club crackers, and cheese. You don't yet have the hang of the sippy cup (probably because we forget to give it to you...!), but you love to hold it and think it's great fun to throw it.
Another one of our favorite qualities is how curious you are. It's so fun to watch you test your theories over and over again--"if I put my toy in the cabinet and shut the door, will it still be there when I open it? What about now, the 32nd time I try it?" You may be a little short-tempered (you come by it honestly...) but you can be incredibly patient. Particularly if you're in a new environment or there are lots of people for you to observe.
Last night I hurt your feelings for (as far as I've realized) the very first time. You've been having some struggles at night (falling and staying asleep). I'm not sure if it's teething or separation anxiety or the disruption in routine from house guests but no matter what, it's been a rough few nights for us all. Last night, while I was rocking you, you were scratching my face and it hurt. I firmly said "no, that hurts. I can't let you do that" and pushed your hand away. Your face just crumbled and you sobbed until you couldn't catch your breath. And it completely broke my heart. I will continue to set boundaries because they are necessary and important. But just know that I don't enjoy it. In fact, last night I cried every time I thought of that look and how inconsolable you were. And you were fine within minutes. I know it won't always be that way.
I also know I won't always be able to protect you. Yesterday was a sad and scary day for the world as another senseless act of violence shook Boston (the city where I told some of my friends and colleagues about you for the very first time). I am glad that you're too young to understand what happened. In reality, I know none of us understand. It's incomprehensible. I do not look forward to the day when we have to talk about these things. I want you to always feel like you do in this very moment, resting in my arms. Safe and secure. Warm and loved. Completely innocent.
We love you so very much. I truly cannot imagine a sweeter little girl.
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