Decisions, decisions

So we thought we wouldn't have to go back to the pediatrician until June but Alaina had other plans for us. Last Thursday I started noticing blood when I changed her diaper. Sometimes it was just specks but other times there was a pretty good amount. So of course I called the doctor who wasn't terribly concerned. She guessed it was probably a small fissure and suggested we keep an eye on it and make sure to use ointment with every change. This made sense to us that her little bottom would be irritated given that we were changing 8-12 soiled diapers each day.

Unfortunately though, there continued to be blood throughout the weekend so the doctor wanted to see us on Wednesday. The good news--Alaina continues to grow! She weighed in at a hefty 10 pounds and 4.4 ounces!! Very exciting. The not so good news is that--as I had started to suspect from Dr. Google--Alaina seems to have an allergy or sensitivity, most likely to dairy. So that means that 1. We must change her formula and 2. I must eliminate all dairy from my diet. A double whammy!

The issue with formula isn't an easy one. For starters, other than the blood (which I know is a problem), she tolerates this formula really well. She's a super pleasant baby who sleeps well at night, isn't too gassy or fussy, and doesn't spit up much. I hate to trade that for something unknown. Another big issue is--then what do we switch to? One option (that the dr suggested) is soy; the other option is a hydrolyzed or amino acid based "hypoallergenic" formula. Now for those not in the formula loop, you may not have known that there has recently been a lot of controversy about soy formula. For one, a percentage of babies allergic to dairy are also allergic to soy. In fact, unless certain conditions are met, the American Pediatric Association doesn't recommend the switch. The bigger controversy though is that soy is manufactured and contains isoflavins--or hormones/phytoestrogen. A quick Internet search suggests soy formula can cause issues like goiters, thyroid problems, and early onset puberty (and thank goodness she isn't a boy since that's a whole other list of side effects!). But this research is scant. So the alternative formula is one that the milk proteins are already broken down so they help 90% of babies with allergies. The downside? I've heard it costs about $75/can. Yikes! So we have to decide what we want to do. We are certainly appreciative of any comments/suggestions y'all have. I am pretty sure both Chad and I had soy formula as kids and we turned out okay...right?

Of course the best situation would be one where we are not giving formula at all. But as I've detailed in other posts, that's just not a possibility right now. But I'm going back to meet with the lactation consultant this week to see what we can do. I'm pretty sure things are better on my end and it's not a supply issue so we need to figure out what's going on with Alaina. It seems to me that she thinks I'm her comfort/pacifier and the bottle is her food source. So hopefully we can get that straightened out. But as I mentioned, even then, I'm still going to have to eliminate all dairy from my diet. I'm starting with the obvious ones (milk, cheese, ice cream, yogurt, butter) which is huge in itself given my limited diet. However, if that doesn't work, I'll have to cut "hidden dairy" found in breads, processed foods, etc. Not fun.

If there was a good formula alternative, I'm not fully convinced that I could justify continuing to nurse. Not that she isn't worth diet changes but when you compound those changes with the slew of other feeding issues we've had...I'm sure you understand. Today makes five weeks though! Which doesn't sound like a lot when considering I wanted to exclusively nurse for six months and continue for a year but at this point I consider each day a victory. And as I read someone say online--every ounce counts! And ultimately, no matter what 'mommy guilt' may try to say otherwise, being a good parent isn't about how you feed your kid. It's that you're feeding and caring for her. And a happy mommy is the best mommy (DBT skill: Turning the mind is useful here). No matter how much others may try to make me/you/us feel otherwise (TIME magazine, I'm looking at you).
So that's where things are. We won't even mention the stash of milk in my freezer which took hours to build which may have to be donated if this truly is a dairy issue..

With all this going on I know I've slacked on updates. The most fun news is that Alaina has started social smiles!! It's so fun to get her to smile. Chad has a great picture I need to get from him to post. But I've put a couple in at the end for you. I also am posting one of her checking out her little activity mat. She's really going to love that soon! Sorry they're out of order. Again all my updates are one handed phone updates when I'm feeding her so I do what I can...