Letter to smudge: 18 months

Dear Sweet Pea,

I can't believe I'm already writing your year and a half letter. On a daily basis, I don't feel like the calendar pages are disappearing but then I blink and months have passed. How does this happen?

1 month to 18 months

You have changed so much since we brought you home. And even since your first birthday. One thing that hasn't changed is how sweet and loving you are. We feel so lucky to have such an affectionate and cuddly little girl. Today you kissed the window as you watched dogs ("buppa!!") playing outside. Your kisses are our most favorite thing. We also love how you run to us with open arms and sometimes run to us in the middle of playing, just to give us a hug or to cuddle our legs. You love to climb into my lap and rest your head on my shoulder. I will never, ever tire of that. Your daddy's favorite thing about you is how funny you are. He thinks you have his sense of humor so I have to remind him that I can be funny, too. So while you may have gotten a bum lot when it comes to allergy genes, surely your predisposition for future wittiness must make up for that.

We still rock you to sleep every night. Lately some nights you wake up the moment we lay you down so it takes a little longer than we would like to get in and out of your room. But in those moments, rather than get frustrated, I try to remember that within just a few blinks, you will no longer want me to rock you to sleep. And so I savor these moments (and try not to think of my heart breaking when that day comes). The weight and warmth of your head on my arm. Your slow, even breathing. Your sleepy sighs. It's hard to be frustrated when I'm focused on those things. For the record, your daddy falls asleep every time he rocks you at night.

As sweet as you are, you are a toddler and that has come with its challenges. You are developing independence and I am proud and want to support that. And it isn't easy. It can be really hard for us to set boundaries (and stick to them!) when you don't yet understand why you cannot always get your way. It's also causing mommy and daddy to really think about every time they turn down a request you make, because we want to stand firm--and sometimes we might just say no to things because it inconveniences us at the time. And that rarely seems worth the meltdown that ensues. So you are certainly teaching us a lot. Every day.

You continue to love school and your teachers seem to really like you as well. You are the only girl in your class--the "seedlings." You seem to hold your own pretty well, though not always in the most adaptive ways. At least once or twice a week, we have received "bite" reports where you are biting a friend (we get an equal number of reports where you are also the victim of a bite). Sometimes it's because another child pulled your hair but usually it's because he is in your space or has the toy that you want (or, like last Friday, you did not want to wait your turn to go down the slide...). Ultimately, I am comfortable with you asserting your wishes and having a personal space bubble...but we do want you to back off of the biting. However, I know you will.

I am still waiting on that "verbal explosion" that everyone keeps talking about. I expect that it will be a lot of fun and will take me by surprise (even though I'm waiting for it!). You are slowly adding words but you totally understand so much speech that blows me away. You are already a great listener.

Your current favorite foods are macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese, avocados, bell peppers, corn, cherries and grapes, and Macintosh apples. This past week you have been eating a little bit more meat so that gives me some hope for future meals that your protein won't be solely based on cheese and peanut butter.  

You still love to laugh. You love trying to catch Madeline and give her hugs. Silly dances make you smile. You love books. Your current favorites are about animals and animal sounds (your favorite noises are the goat and the rooster; though you love to say "moo" with the cow). You also still love Good Night, Gorilla which makes me really happy.

You really are just so cute. I love watching your personality develop and learning more about who you are. It makes me sad that you won't always be little but I also know that you are going to grow into a cool little girl and that is pretty exciting. I often think about how I feel like I couldn't possibly love you any more than I do "right this moment" and the next day I am surprised that I was so wrong. So I love you more right now than I have ever loved you...until next time.