2018 under review

I am feeling a little more ready for the new year this year and I'm not entirely sure why. I think I have been spending time in my head planning for winter break and spring 2019 for weeks so for the first time in awhile, new year's eve didn't creep up on me.

What hasn't changed from previous years is my continued ambivalence and inability to hold two opposing truths in my head at once. I have never been so late on so many things in my life. This weighs on me heavily (and I feel guilt for working on a blog post at 1am rather than academic writing). I feel like I've let many people down and that I have not done enough for my current and former students.

And yet.
I have undeniable goals that were met. We have had a lot of happy moments, as pictured above and below. I received a small grant (~$135,000) to fund community data collection (and my students' stipends) for a current study. I applied for a promotion to full professor and I think that process has gone well to this point (decisions are not made until July 2019, however). I mentored three dissertation defenses and one dissertation proposal. I spearheaded the application for our program's accreditation and site visit. I continued seeing clients. We went on three family trips, including Disney. And I know that I have been there for A. She is doing well and for that I am thankful. She finished kindergarten and has done remarkably well transitioning into first grade. She is kind and thoughtful. And she is so funny and artistic. She knows her family loves her.

So, as always, I am struck with a thought that maybe a goal for the new year should be to decrease the shame and guilt of the things not accomplished. Or perhaps the goal should be to say yes to fewer things so that I am not letting people down so often. Or maybe feel more guilt and hope that leads to wasting less time. Or to live in the positive of the things I have done well. Harmony likely exists somewhere in the midst of all of these.

As I have said in the past, these posts are really just a way for me to get to revel in my love of lists, goals, and critically evaluating myself. I'm going to indicate my goals and success rates for 2018 on the ridiculous list of goals and provide links for the last 5 years...2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013. This time of year is also fun for me because I get to make my review pretty in my bullet journal. A year always looks more celebratory in color.

Professional goals

• Submit 6 manuscripts (including at least 4 current or former student first author manuscripts)

While I exceeded the number of manuscripts (11) and at least 4 include current or former students as first authors or co-authors, most of this again comes from outside of my research lab and away from my students. I also have several manuscripts sitting on my desk, waiting for movement from me.

• Resubmit NIH and OCAST grants

I submitted both and, by some miracle, did receive the OCAST grant.

• Create a plan/set up for successful sabbatical (Spring 2019)

I've worked on some goals for this but need to keep working on this plan.

• Take EPPP (Step 1: decide to study? Step 2: schedule?)

Nope. And I don't even feel that bad about this.

• Attend 3 national conferences

Meh. Two is fine. I don't feel bad about this either.

• Say "no" more (Step 1: read book on saying "no" more?)--journal reviews and overload courses are culprits 

Looks like I have a book on my list to add for next year...I didn't teach the winter online course, though, which is huge for me.

• Submit PCSAS application

Yes. Yes. Yes. This was huge. And we received accreditation!

• Propose curriculum changes

Nope. This should be a summer 2019 priority.

• Send out alumni survey

This was a much bigger undertaking than I expected but YES, I completed the alumni and a current student survey. Wrangling alumni to complete it took months.

• Catch up on client notes

No. The shame.

Personal goals

• Set up Forest app to automatically reduce phone usage in mornings and evenings

Somehow I forgot the plan to achieve this goal. I did create a "bedtime" on my phone. Ahem.

• Read, on average, 4 books per month. Continue stretching across genres and reading diverse lengths of books. Intentionally include more nonfiction, classics, and books by authors of color.

I exceeded this challenge by reading 55 books. I have three other books started that I haven’t finished that I plan to get to soon. Favorites were Homegoing, The Nightingale, and Bad Feminist. I included more books with voices different from my own, authors from underrepresented groups, and about topics I typically haven't read. I plan to continue this in future reading challenges as it has been really great!

• Get to the gym 3-5 times per week. Average 15-25 miles 'running' per month.

The year started out well enough. I was going to the gym 2-3 times per week and working out with a personal trainer. This seemed to start slipping though and, though I was still going semi-regularly, in September my trainer was on a trip and then I went on a trip and then...I never went back. So. There's that.

• Start tracking calories.

This has not gone well. Again. Terribly might be a more apt word. I did meet with a nutritionist and she was lovely. It just did not translate into action.

• Continue making at least 1 new monthly recipe. Try at least 3 fancy or more challenging recipes this year (any suggestions?). Incorporate healthy recipes in meal plan (help!).

Most months I tried multiple new recipes. Favorites this year were parmesan orzotto with pancetta and corn and sheet pan lemon parmesan garlic chicken with potatoes and green beans. None of these were particularly fancy or healthy. I did try making chocolate beet muffins but they were gross.

• Get 6+ hours sleep at least 5 days per week (Step 1: figure out how to achieve this)

I should actually calculate my sleep. Maybe it isn't as bad as people think.

• Develop a plan for learning new language? (Step 1: determine if this is a goal I actually want to accomplish this year)

By default, I think I decided this was not a goal I wanted to achieve this year.

• Create plan for high clutter areas (e.g., laundry room, mail)

Carrying over to next year...

• Follow through on thoughtful ideas for friends

I think I was slightly better at this than previous years. I am also learning my limits so that I do not feel guilty that I am not thoughtful in ways that do not fit my capacity.

• Consider hiring laundry service

Still considering, I guess.

• Call about singing lessons

One day...

• Find person to make Alaina's t-shirt quilt

Does copying a phone number count as progress? 

• Eat at least 2 fruits or veggies per day (start making smoothies again?)

Sadly, this likely is often not met.

• Set up quarterly donations to food bank

I did do this one!

• Watch movies that have been nagging at me for years--Breakfast at Tiffany's and Waitress

This is still on my list. I have DVR'd Breakfast at Tiffany's so I am calling this a partial win.

• Continue semi-regular dates with 1) other moms and 2) colleagues

I have done fairly well with this. Shout out to those who've joined me for movie nights and trips to Simplicity, etc.!

• Have board game nights with Chad

I did better at this in the spring and summer. Need to get back into it--I know it would make him happy.