This is 40 (celebrated)

Last month I decided to complete a "40 things by 40" challenge. I am Xennial enough to be extra like this sometimes. Perhaps I'll do another blog about that experience and when I'll accomplish the rest (maybe, no promises; I've already posted this challenge to death on Instagram and Facebook).

Birthdays in adulthood are a big deal to me. In graduate school, my good friend Lauren and I would join forces and have fun dinners or parties. My friend Shannon taught me the value of "birthday week" celebrations. While I adored my year in Charleston, it was super hard to be away from my friends and family when 30 rolled around. So I leaned in hard to turning 40. After a lot of hesitation, I decided I would like a party and I let some special friends and my sister, Kris, plan it. I could not have planned a more amazing weekend.

First, my sister Kris's family and Chad planned a surprise with two of my other sisters, Sarah and Andi, who flew to Oklahoma for my birthday to join us for indoor skydiving. I was shocked.

Doesn't that look so fun??

Ha. 

Looks can be deceiving. I hated it. I'm still very glad to have done it, though.

My friend, Lucia, scheduled a photo shoot for Saturday afternoon. This is one of those things that I am most shocked I agreed to do. An OSU colleague took the pictures and she was great but the whole thing still makes me uncomfortable to think about! I'll share a few of the least scary photos at the end of the post. Honestly, I might rather go skydiving instead of ever doing that again.

Afterward, we went to Simplicity for tea. Sarah and I had a London Fog, A had an iced peach bellini, and Andi and Kris had the Maple Cinnamon Matcha (which smelled like kale stew but was reportedly delicious--sounds suspect).

The birthday party was amazing. I didn't do a headcount but think about 30 of my Oklahoma friends and colleagues showed up to help me bring in a new ten spot. The decor and thoughtful touches by the phenom party planners took my breath away. I definitely felt loved.

Sarah at good little eater had a phenomenal spread. Everything was delicious and stunning. I was blown away. 

 

Despite a request for no gifts, I got some really amazing things. I am so fortunate to have such amazing friends.

 
40 is weird.

It's weird to say that I'm 40. 

I feel good about where I am in life for the most part. I am happy as an academic mama. I love my job. I like the research that I am doing. I enjoy directing our program and mentoring students. I feel so incredibly blessed that A is such a wonderful human and I love the time I get to spend with her. She is healthy and thriving at school. I like setting and achieving goals and tracking it all in my planner. Financially, we are stable enough that we can travel a bit and we've paid off my debt. I'm still connected to friends and family who live far away (though this is something I could improve).

The things that need the most work are primarily personal. I go to bed too late. I should work on emailing students and reviewing articles more quickly. I remain fairly interpersonally passive and nondirective and when situations call for this, I avoid. Mostly, though, my struggle centers primarily around vacillating between denial and obsession with the weight I've gained in the last 5 years and how bad it makes me feel. I eat too much sugar and do not exercise enough; it isn't like I don't know how to fix that. Turning 40 and seeing photos of myself at 40 has been particularly challenging as my mirror magically doesn't often allow me to see my stretched out face and I promise I am not pregnant belly. 

I wasn't going to share these photos.

But then I realized, everyone in my life right now sees me daily. So the photos surprise me more than them. And for those who haven't seen me in awhile, well, we can experience the surprise together (much like going to conferences where it takes folks a few fun minutes to recognize me). And hey, I got to cross cake smash off my list and that cake was delicious. 

While these pictures make me uncomfortable, it also was fun and I easily see a mama who loves her sweet girl so much and was thrilled to have this time with four of her sisters (and a sneak photo with her bestie). 

So bring it on, 40. Let's make this the best decade yet.