Nine and a half

Tonight I am filled with tears and bittersweet gratitude as you hit the next half-year milestone. I made the realization that you are now moving closer to double digits and “rounding up” to 10. I don’t like that. Not one bit. 

This last six month period has been a whirlwind. In this time, you reacclimated to school in person; you tried summer school; you went to a few in person summer camps that were enforcing COVID precautions. We also moved to a new house and sold the only home you ever knew. You were so excited to look at new houses but then you cried and raged for days when we actually decided to move. You even asked if you could just stay in the old house. Fortunately, you now love your new room, your awesome loft playroom/library/music/art room, our backyard, and the cool cul de sac (and although you were a little late to it, you finally took off on bike riding because of this great location!). 

You are so happy to be back in school and we once again feel like we won the lottery with your amazing fourth grade teacher. She is exactly what you needed to rebuild your confidence and love of learning after such a rough year. We have received several good reports from her on how incredibly kind you are and that you are an encourager of all students. That just makes me so proud and happy. You also do a good job standing up for yourself and standing up for others, which is also so valuable. She also noted that you wear your emotions on your sleeve and said she was the same way at your age. 

Academically, you seem like you’re doing well in your classes/grades. We still have some concerns related to your math testing but your teacher said you’re understanding all of the concepts that have been introduced. We started with a math tutor just in case, though, given the research on girls and math confidence at your age. Hopefully you’ll be able to work these things out as well. 

Your interests continue to be reading (graphic novels only), playing animal crossing, drawing, and playing. You also have been loving cooking and baking and really want to learn how to decorate cakes. This has been a lot of fun. 

Health wise, your asthma is still pretty well controlled on the higher medication. We are anxiously awaiting approval for children to get the COVID vaccine to breathe another sigh of relief (your dad and I were thrilled to get our boosters alongside our flu shot this year). We are keeping an eye on you now because you’ve been reporting infrequent bouts of dizziness that we haven’t found medical cause for yet. I’m sure I’ll report back here in December following your neuro appointment. Fortunately, they don’t happen often and you’re pretty unimpaired by them but it’s still unnerving. 

This year has been a tough one because you are developing some of that tween attitude and you’re not always the little cheerful helper of years past. It’s a new stage of parenting and we are back to a bit of winging it, hoping that we are supporting your independence while also trying to raise you to be a helpful and kind member of society. It seems like they see that at school, even if it isn’t always visible at home. Although it’s hard to see you getting older, you remain such a cool little person that I don’t think about the sadness on a daily basis. You are so funny and witty and continue to pick up on so much social nuance that even adults miss. You want to fight for the rights of others. You have a million questions (most of which you want to ask at bedtime) and you can’t stand being left out of any conversation or decision. You have funny dreams and you relish telling us about them. You love your dogs like nothing else—sometimes crying that they will one day die. Although Norabelle has always been your favorite, you’ve recently decided that Baxter is your very best friend. You love to cuddle with him and I’m so lucky that you’re still cuddly and affectionate with mom, too. 

Friends are still sometimes an issue as more relational aggression is starting at this age. You were incredibly devastated that your best friend E move to Oregon this summer. However, you were very happy that you were placed in class with another good friend and you seem to like your classmates. You were having a tough time with one child last spring and were happy they weren’t placed in your class. You really do relish watching (but not participating in) what you call “middle school drama”. You also love recounting it on the drive home. I’m trying not to reinforce this funny passion while at the same time I’m holding close to my heart the fact that you enjoy sharing this with me. I know the tween and teen years will be tough but man, I don’t want to lose this.  Although mornings (& some afternoons!) can be stormy lately, you do revert back to the happy ray of sunshine after given a bit of space and a snack. You have a lot of energy but appreciate a lazy day. You can be reserved but you love fiercely. I’m impressed and proud how much you’re willing to put yourself out there and how you stand your ground. All of these things make you an amazing kid and will one day translate into an amazing adult. 

I’m just not ready for it to be happening so fast. 

And then, you were 9

As consistently happens as I sit down to write these letters to you, I am overcome with such overwhelming emotion that time--which otherwise creeps so slowly--is moving too fast as you continue to grow. Nine.

NINE.

We have only one year left in the single digits.

That feels monumental.

It feels impossible. 

How? You truly were just four years old. It feels like literally only moments ago that we were dropping you off at daycare. And now you are this big third grader. You have your first round of state tests next week. It cannot be so. Yet, here it is.

This past year has been full of challenges and, although it has been incredibly tough for you, you are so resilient. Your dad and I are so amazed by and proud of you. We are fortunate that you can be a bit of a homebody and that you can entertain yourself. I cannot imagine spending the last year with anyone else. We are all, also, exhausted.  

Favorite characteristics are that you are funny and clever and so creative. You love to cast plays and write (you sometimes work on your "second novel"). You love comedies and have cultivated a love for cheesy romantic holiday movies, which really made me laugh this past December. You spent the last year watching several 1990s sitcoms like Family Matters, Full House, and Sister Sister, which was a lot of fun for me. You are unbelievably witty and just a touch judgy. We will continue to work on that. 

I absolutely love hearing the way you think about things. You are always pondering and have hundreds of questions. We have always tried to teach you about inclusion but over the last year, you have become extremely passionate about social justice and equity. Recently, you indicated that when you grow up, you wanted to help people so that things will be fair for them (you added you wanted to find a way to do that which wouldn't be dangerous and get you killed, which was a sobering and heartbreaking statement to hear from an 8 year old). Your energy is currently focused on learning American Sign Language and learning about Deaf culture. You now finger spell faster than I can keep up with you and you have far surpassed my very limited knowledge of signs. Throughout the year, you have been very interested in learning about civil rights, Black Lives Matter, Indigenous land, appropriation, and kid activism. You are clearly a sponge and are far more fearless and less self-conscious about your beliefs and actions than I have ever been.    

School was super tough for this house over the past year. In order to keep all three of us safe, reduce the census for teachers and kids who needed to be in school, and to maintain some sense of consistency in our schedule, we made the difficult choice to enroll you in virtual school through our district. As incredible as the teachers were, this was just not the same. While there was a lot of good in our time spent together, as a year of school, it was pretty terrible. Your love of learning took a massive hit. We try not to put much stock in testing but we saw most of your scores stagnate or plummet over the last year. Your self-confidence in math plummeted and your attention span drastically decreased. While you continued to love to read and do science experiments, school through the Edgenuity platform was a fight at least two or three times per week, often resulting in slammed doors and heated arguments. You regularly said that you were learning nothing. I think you might have been right about that. As a parent, this was so heartbreaking to watch and experience, especially for a such a bright sunshine kid who loved nothing more than school and her teachers. It was pretty shattering. After your dad and I (alongside many of your teachers and school staff) were vaccinated, we fortunately were able to enroll you back in person for the remaining 7 weeks of the semester. This has brought new challenges through readjusting to a schedule, acclimating to the stimulation of school, and you feeling anxiously behind in learning. Your old complaints about not having friends and not understanding how to join groups at recess have also resurfaced. However, we are hopeful that you are happier. We are thrilled with your new teacher and how much she seeks to connect with her students. We hope that this 7 weeks can reignite your passion for learning.

Spending the last year with you was really something. When you look back on this year of your life, I am really curious what you will remember. This year was certainly full of lost patience, tears, interruptions, and loneliness. I would love to say that I spent the last year savoring every moment of your life but there was just too much stress and work for that to be the case. But the last year was absolutely also full of thousands of hugs, fun projects, silly jokes, cuddles on the couch, and meaningful conversations. Being mindful of these moments is tough. I wish I could report that I have gotten better at this but it remains a work in progress. 

The best part of 8, without a doubt, is all of the many, many hugs you gave throughout the day, everyday. You still give the best hugs. You love nestling up together to read a book or watch a movie. I have felt like I grew an appendage because you were so often attached to me on the daily. That was pretty great. I am so grateful you are still cuddly and affectionate.

We are so thankful for you and the sparkle you bring to our lives and the lives around you. Your eyes truly sparkle with wonder. I hope you never lose that. We love you so much. Happy 9th birthday, my love, no matter how impossible it might seem.

Second pandemic party (happy 9th birthday, observed)

A year ago, I did not expect to host a second virtual birthday party for A. But here we are--making the best of it!

Over the past year, A has spent a lot of time playing Animal Crossing, which was a fabulous theme for a birthday. 

We made Animal Crossing "presents" to deliver these adorable cupcakes to a few local friends.

We wrapped up an Animal Crossing themed Bingo card with leaf confetti for a cute activity.

 

We also hosted a scavenger hunt and the kids worked together on an adorable, online jigsaw puzzle.

And of course, it wouldn't be her birthday without a fun themed chalkboard and t-shirt!

Once again, this wasn't the kind of celebration we would have chosen, but we are grateful to have celebrated another year of this amazing and resilient sweet girl.