As consistently happens as I sit down to write these letters to you, I am overcome with such overwhelming emotion that time--which otherwise creeps so slowly--is moving too fast as you continue to grow. Nine.
NINE.
We have only one year left in the single digits.
That feels monumental.
It feels impossible.
How? You truly were just four years old. It feels like literally only moments ago that we were dropping you off at daycare. And now you are this big third grader. You have your first round of state tests next week. It cannot be so. Yet, here it is.
This past year has been full of challenges and, although it has been incredibly tough for you, you are so resilient. Your dad and I are so amazed by and proud of you. We are fortunate that you can be a bit of a homebody and that you can entertain yourself. I cannot imagine spending the last year with anyone else. We are all, also, exhausted.
Favorite characteristics are that you are funny and clever and so creative. You love to cast plays and write (you sometimes work on your "second novel"). You love comedies and have cultivated a love for cheesy romantic holiday movies, which really made me laugh this past December. You spent the last year watching several 1990s sitcoms like Family Matters, Full House, and Sister Sister, which was a lot of fun for me. You are unbelievably witty and just a touch judgy. We will continue to work on that.
I absolutely love hearing the way you think about things. You are always pondering and have hundreds of questions. We have always tried to teach you about inclusion but over the last year, you have become extremely passionate about social justice and equity. Recently, you indicated that when you grow up, you wanted to help people so that things will be fair for them (you added you wanted to find a way to do that which wouldn't be dangerous and get you killed, which was a sobering and heartbreaking statement to hear from an 8 year old). Your energy is currently focused on learning American Sign Language and learning about Deaf culture. You now finger spell faster than I can keep up with you and you have far surpassed my very limited knowledge of signs. Throughout the year, you have been very interested in learning about civil rights, Black Lives Matter, Indigenous land, appropriation, and kid activism. You are clearly a sponge and are far more fearless and less self-conscious about your beliefs and actions than I have ever been.
School was super tough for this house over the past year. In order to keep all three of us safe, reduce the census for teachers and kids who needed to be in school, and to maintain some sense of consistency in our schedule, we made the difficult choice to enroll you in virtual school through our district. As incredible as the teachers were, this was just not the same. While there was a lot of good in our time spent together, as a year of school, it was pretty terrible. Your love of learning took a massive hit. We try not to put much stock in testing but we saw most of your scores stagnate or plummet over the last year. Your self-confidence in math plummeted and your attention span drastically decreased. While you continued to love to read and do science experiments, school through the Edgenuity platform was a fight at least two or three times per week, often resulting in slammed doors and heated arguments. You regularly said that you were learning nothing. I think you might have been right about that. As a parent, this was so heartbreaking to watch and experience, especially for a such a bright sunshine kid who loved nothing more than school and her teachers. It was pretty shattering. After your dad and I (alongside many of your teachers and school staff) were vaccinated, we fortunately were able to enroll you back in person for the remaining 7 weeks of the semester. This has brought new challenges through readjusting to a schedule, acclimating to the stimulation of school, and you feeling anxiously behind in learning. Your old complaints about not having friends and not understanding how to join groups at recess have also resurfaced. However, we are hopeful that you are happier. We are thrilled with your new teacher and how much she seeks to connect with her students. We hope that this 7 weeks can reignite your passion for learning.
Spending the last year with you was really something. When you look back on this year of your life, I am really curious what you will remember. This year was certainly full of lost patience, tears, interruptions, and loneliness. I would love to say that I spent the last year savoring every moment of your life but there was just too much stress and work for that to be the case. But the last year was absolutely also full of thousands of hugs, fun projects, silly jokes, cuddles on the couch, and meaningful conversations. Being mindful of these moments is tough. I wish I could report that I have gotten better at this but it remains a work in progress.
The best part of 8, without a doubt, is all of the many, many hugs you gave throughout the day, everyday. You still give the best hugs. You love nestling up together to read a book or watch a movie. I have felt like I grew an appendage because you were so often attached to me on the daily. That was pretty great. I am so grateful you are still cuddly and affectionate.
We are so thankful for you and the sparkle you bring to our lives and the lives around you. Your eyes truly sparkle with wonder. I hope you never lose that. We love you so much. Happy 9th birthday, my love, no matter how impossible it might seem.
