What hasn't changed from previous years is my continued ambivalence and inability to hold two opposing truths in my head at once. I have never been so late on so many things in my life. This weighs on me heavily (and I feel guilt for working on a blog post at 1am rather than academic writing). I feel like I've let many people down and that I have not done enough for my current and former students.
And yet.
I have undeniable goals that were met. We have had a lot of happy moments, as pictured above and below. I received a small grant (~$135,000) to fund community data collection (and my students' stipends) for a current study. I applied for a promotion to full professor and I think that process has gone well to this point (decisions are not made until July 2019, however). I mentored three dissertation defenses and one dissertation proposal. I spearheaded the application for our program's accreditation and site visit. I continued seeing clients. We went on three family trips, including Disney. And I know that I have been there for A. She is doing well and for that I am thankful. She finished kindergarten and has done remarkably well transitioning into first grade. She is kind and thoughtful. And she is so funny and artistic. She knows her family loves her.
So, as always, I am struck with a thought that maybe a goal for the new year should be to decrease the shame and guilt of the things not accomplished. Or perhaps the goal should be to say yes to fewer things so that I am not letting people down so often. Or maybe feel more guilt and hope that leads to wasting less time. Or to live in the positive of the things I have done well. Harmony likely exists somewhere in the midst of all of these.
As I have said in the past, these posts are really just a way for me to get to revel in my love of lists, goals, and critically evaluating myself. I'm going to indicate my goals and success rates for 2018 on the ridiculous list of goals and provide links for the last 5 years...2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013. This time of year is also fun for me because I get to make my review pretty in my bullet journal. A year always looks more celebratory in color.
Professional goals
- Submit 6 manuscripts (including at least 4 current or former student first author manuscripts)
- Resubmit NIH and OCAST grants
- Create a plan/set up for successful sabbatical (Spring 2019)
- Take EPPP (Step 1: decide to study? Step 2: schedule?)
- Attend 3 national conferences
- Say "no" more (Step 1: read book on saying "no" more?)--journal reviews and overload courses are culprits
- Submit PCSAS application
- Propose curriculum changes
- Send out alumni survey
- Catch up on client notes
Personal goals
- Set up Forest app to automatically reduce phone usage in mornings and evenings
- Read, on average, 4 books per month. Continue stretching across genres and reading diverse lengths of books. Intentionally include more nonfiction, classics, and books by authors of color.
- Get to the gym 3-5 times per week. Average 15-25 miles 'running' per month.
- Start tracking calories.
- Continue making at least 1 new monthly recipe. Try at least 3 fancy or more challenging recipes this year (any suggestions?). Incorporate healthy recipes in meal plan (help!).
- Get 6+ hours sleep at least 5 days per week (Step 1: figure out how to achieve this)
- Develop a plan for learning new language? (Step 1: determine if this is a goal I actually want to accomplish this year)
- Create plan for high clutter areas (e.g., laundry room, mail)
- Follow through on thoughtful ideas for friends
- Consider hiring laundry service
- Call about singing lessons
- Find person to make Alaina's t-shirt quilt
- Eat at least 2 fruits or veggies per day (start making smoothies again?)
- Set up quarterly donations to food bank
- Watch movies that have been nagging at me for years--Breakfast at Tiffany's and Waitress
- Continue semi-regular dates with 1) other moms and 2) colleagues
- Have board game nights with Chad
