Dear sweet sweet girl,
Will I ever get through a birthday without shedding a tear? It’s seeming unlikely. I have been dreading 10 for so long. The idea of these double digits would just knock the wind right out of me. However, today was somehow less upsetting than 5 so that’s progress.
You remain such a cool little person. You have your own sense of style and fashion, your own creative pursuits, and your own way of thinking about things. You also continue to be incredibly kind and thoughtful. You are truly always thinking of ways to make people feel special and loved. From writing encouraging notes to picking up special treats to hand making a different craft to gift to each of your teachers, I’m consistently blown away by you. As you get older and a little more snarkiness (& a whole lot of sass) sneaks in, I keep worrying you’re going to lose this part of you. Fortunately, I have had nothing to worry about yet.
After having to take 2 years off of extracurricular activities because of COVID, you were thrilled to jump back in to these. You joined a school volleyball club and the running club and are playing your first sport in 7 years—softball. Not being great at things has always been a challenge for you and sports are no different—you want to just be good at things naturally so having to work frustrates you. That said, I’ve been really impressed with your tenaciousness. More importantly, you are an amazing cheerleader for your teammates.
Being back at school for the last year has been amazing. You have a phenomenal teacher and are doing really well. You continue to struggle with any sort of standardized or computer test while doing all of your work with ease. Because your test scores indicated some difficulties with math last semester, we had you work with a tutor. The tutor was flummoxed because you were able to do all the things testing said you struggled with, often with little to no instruction. However, you loved the fun math games and “getting to help a college student with their project” so you didn’t mind tutoring too much. Your math grades are all strong so we never have figured out this disconnect. You continue to have a strong preference for graphic novels, though you will occasionally read Harry Potter as well. You really loved working on your social studies project over the last few months, learning all about the state of Michigan and your chosen representative, Lizzo.
You continue to enjoy art, recently picking up (but just as suddenly dropping)/teaching yourself to crochet. You also love cooking, baking, and cake decorating. You love trying new foods, recently deciding that you love cabbage and like onions. You’re excited about all the things we will be growing in the garden this year and you have a lot of interest in various plants.
You have had a lot of emotional ups and downs and have grown a lot in your ability to recognize your own anxiety and ability to cope with worry. You do still struggle with bouts of loneliness and sadness but these are often relatively short lived and are impacted more by external cues (you really hate sunny weekend days!) and internal experiences like hunger and fatigue. You complain that boredom is physically painful and often leads to worry thought spirals, which is why you are constantly on the go and never stop doing. While you are the first to acknowledge your anxiety (your emotional awareness is off the charts!), you also have these streaks of fearlessness that I love seeing.
You continue to be a funny, witty kid, though some of your retorts have sharpened significantly over the last year. We are still working to rein that in. I feel so lucky that you remain a cuddly, hugging kid. I’m so fearful these days are numbered but for now, I soak in every cuddle, held hand, grabbed arm, and squishy hug you have to offer. We still have lots of time together and though that can get tiring for both of us, it’s also a lot of fun.
This past 6 months also provided you with an opportunity to get your COVID vaccine, which you handled incredibly well. We feel so fortunate to have remained healthy this past few years. We are glad to be in a new normal that includes more social time and small gatherings. We are hoping to add travel to this soon. Your asthma remains mostly stable though you have had more frequent flare ups in the last month or so. Local brush fires, dust blowing in big wind gusts, and seasonal allergies are likely to blame but we also are carefully monitoring the impact of physical activity on your symptoms as well as you noted one breathing concern during a softball practice and a few during school activities. Overall, though, we are incredibly grateful you’re doing so well. We love you so much.
I’m trying hard not to look too far ahead for what is to come with year ten and beyond. I’m not ready for things like fifth grade graduation or middle school tours. But when the time arises, I’m confident that you’ll be ready with a big smile, dragging me along into the next phase. Much like you did hitting ten.
