2019 under review

If you are friends with me on Facebook, you would see that 2019 has been the year of time slipping through my fingers and rushing to get things done barely flying by the seat of my pants. This entry is a fabulous continuation of that. It is technically January 1, 2020 as I am writing this New Year's Eve recollection but thanks to the magic of back scheduling and Facebook post edits, future me could be none the wiser as reminders of "this day" appear on future NYE memories.

That said, taking time for reflection upon my goals, wishes, and planned lists is valuable to me. Reviewing my previous reflections (metareflection?) remind me of important lessons I've learned over the past year. While reading last year's review, I was surprised by how prepared I had been for the new year and I was pleased to see my acknowledgment of (un)met goals balanced with the continued struggle of having too many things on my plate. One particular line stood out to me that seems worth repeating.

So, as always, I am struck with a thought that maybe a goal for the new year should be to decrease the shame and guilt of the things not accomplished. Or perhaps the goal should be to say yes to fewer things so that I am not letting people down so often. Or maybe feel more guilt and hope that leads to wasting less time. Or to live in the positive of the things I have done well. Harmony likely exists somewhere in the midst of all of these.

So, as I have done in the past (2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013), I'd like to reflect back on the year as a whole as well as the plans I had.

Overall, 2019 was a very good year. Moments worth remembering included trips to New Orleans, San Diego, Buffalo, and Broken Bow; receiving a promotion to Professor and a university-sponsored mentoring award; experiencing tremendous joy and love from turning 40; and having visits from both my family and Chad's family. I got a season pass to Frontier City on a whim (due to targeted emails about a super sale!, when in fact, I think that the 70% off super sale is basically all year long given that I receive those messages every few weeks...) and although the pass is for 2020, we went 5 times in 2019. It's a great little way to get out of the house.

Although I have not been blogging, most people at work or in my social circles are pretty aware that I have extreme ambivalence about how sabbatical went. First, I will say I am very proud of how I overcame my fear and litany of excuses of working in coffee shops and other public spaces (thanks to a few OSU colleagues forcing me out of my comfort zone). While it still feels uncomfortable and like I do not belong there, I have continued doing it anyway and it has not only helped me prioritize my writing time, it has also decreased my need to work late night hours. This has been exceptionally good for me.
Two things happened that made sabbatical less productive for me, however. One was that the grant that started in July 2018 began recruiting community participants in January. There were many administrative factors that caused tremendous stress and took hours to handle each week, mostly surrounding participant payment reimbursement. I spent no less than 3 hours every week between February and June trying to deal with these frustrations (so basically more time than the amount of administrative meetings I was able to miss each week due to sabbatical releases). I learned a lot of lessons that made recruitment go more smoothly this Fall but I'm still a bit bitter about the whole thing.
The second factor was a happy one but was still time-consuming. In early spring, I was separately asked to serve as an Associate Editor for two journals in my field. This honestly came as a true shock to me despite always completing a relatively hefty number of journal reviews (36-55 per year). Being asked therefore meant a lot to me. With hindsight, I can now say that I would have benefited from asking to defer my start until May. I handled 36 manuscripts last year and have written 28 decision letters (with 3 more coming this week and awaiting reviewers on 5 others), while I do not have a comparison point, this was a lot for me. I started drowning in decision letters and revision submissions around August and just recovered from that last week (at one point having 11 decision letters on my to do list!). I am hopeful that I have figured out ways to better balance this and have better calibrated by process so that I don't ever get so behind again. This also led me to say no to more requests than ever, which made me uncomfortable for a lot of reasons.

Many other exciting things happened this year--we got a puppy who, while adorable and cuddly, is completely rotten and the most stubborn dog I have every encountered. We are working on this. We also hired someone to replace the flooring in our living room. Our carpet was installed when the home was built in 2005 and had suffered through two owners, A's infancy, Madeline's accidents, Jasper's illness, and Baxter's puppyhood. To say that it was looking rough was an understatement. I'm still adjusting to the new flooring (even positive change is hard for me) but do love the look. Also new, A moved into second grade and into a brand new school. We love her school and her wonderful (also brand new!) teacher so much. Not surprisingly, A sobbed at the start of winter break because she already missed her teacher and going to school. She has been reading like a fiend, finishing 1-3 books almost daily. Her current favorites include the A to Z Mysteries and Calendar Mysteries though she also went through a Dogman phase. For a kid identified as "behind" in reading in kindergarten, we are so thrilled to see her love of reading and learning. Socially, she reports that life is still tough for her as she struggles with criticism from other kids, playing with nonpreferred friends or in nonpreferred activities, with joining friend groups, and with allowing others to make decisions for her about her play. Her teacher assures us that she is doing okay, though. This has been an ongoing thing since pre-k so we will just continue to monitor. Over the summer, she experienced tremendous anxiety, secondary to reading Harry Potter as a family so we completed a CBT manual and I cannot recommend this book enough. As a psychology professor, I was tremendously impressed and as a parent, it was highly doable.

Whew. This is why I need to do more blog posts. I apparently had a lot to share.

In terms of the goals I set, you might recall that I separated them into 3 categories.

I know I can:

• Read 4 books per month; continue expanding selection to include more diverse authors and content

I am pleased with how this went, including that I read a fairly diverse range of authors and content. I ended at 55 books, despite some of my reading time at night now being taken up by studying for the licensure exam. My favorite books of this year were: Where the Crawdads Sing, Whisper Network, I won't die with you tonight, Educated, Little Fires Everywhere and An American Marriage. 

• Make 1 new recipe per month

I did not really track this goal, though it is likely that I made at least 12 new meals this year. Nachos with homemade queso was a favorite.

• Continue cultivating friendships with colleagues, Stillwater moms, and long-distance friends

Again, this has become an important priority for me with me also making a couple of new friends. Finding ways to meet colleagues to work in coffee shops has also helped in this regard. Staying in touch with long distance friends has been less successful and should be prioritized in the coming year. 

• Watch "must-see" movies

I finally watched Waitress and Breakfast at Tiffany's (I might or might not have watched that on NYE...). Neither were what I expected though I would like to have seen Waitress on stage.

• Plan a family trip to San Diego; plan conference travel to New Orleans (must: eat a beignet!) and Buffalo

We did all of these! We also went on a trip for Fall Break which was wonderful--our first road trip!

I will try my best to:

• Exercise 3 times per week (especially cardio)

I did not do well with this. I went to the gym twice per week part of the year but haven't been back since September. I started physical therapy in the fall but also fell off that wagon.

• Submit 6 manuscripts and 1 grant

This is a tricky one. I did not submit a grant but I did complete my first year of collecting data for a funded grant. I have plans to submit a grant in spring or summer, at the behest of my graduate student. In terms of new submissions, I only submitted 4 new manuscripts which is down for me. There are a lot of things that factor into this so I'm trying not to panic about it. That said, I was a part of three resubmissions that were ultimately accepted, though none were from my research lab.

• Have regular family game nights

Any behaviorist worth their salt would tell you to have specifically defined goals. This one is too vague. Does once per quarter count as "regular"? If so, we hit that. Weekly or monthly? Nope.

• Complete curriculum review this summer

Nope.

• Order A's t-shirt quilt

Nope.

• Complete the KonMari decluttering method again

Nope. Didn't even try.

• Have a productive sabbatical

See above. Ultimately I had two first-author papers get published that were submitted on sabbatical but yea.

I hope to:

• Make turning 40 (!!) special

Absolutely. Thank you to everyone who helped make it so absolutely wonderful.

• Learn a new skill 

Nope.

• Eat more vegetables and fruit

Nope. Shamefully.

• Take EPPP and get licensed

Nope. However, I have scheduled my exam and I thankfully have met my postdoctoral clinical hours--finally!

• Visit Kentucky with A

Sadly, I just couldn't make that happen.

• Improve sleep hygiene

Despite still having days where I randomly stay up until 2 AM, I am going to count this one as a win.

• Reduce phone usage

Not enough, if at all.

• Plan a weekend trip (Dallas? Branson? Kansas City?)

Yes, our trip to Broken Bow was perfect. I want to do more of these!

• Earn promotion to Full Professor

YES!

• Get a puppy (shhh, I know, terrible idea...)

Yes. See also, regret getting a puppy. At least I knew it was a terrible idea. I just didn't know quite how long I would think the idea was terrible.


So overall, this was a good year, full of lots of positives to remember. Here's hoping that 2020 is equally lovely.