Easter Parade and Party

The school Easter party feels a little like Groundhog Day. Each year, A is so excited about the hunt, she slowly looks around, tries to find mom and dad, watches her friends gather eggs, carefully inspects each egg that she finds, and then individually opens it to investigate. And each year, she looks around in horror as she realizes that while she was experiencing this process, all the eggs are gone and she only collected four. You can even hear Chad asking me about this very thing, right as it plays out in front of us. I thought she might be okay this year, given that she just seemed to be enjoying herself. Nope. Cue the annual water works.

This was hard for us to handle because on the one hand, we want to teach gratitude for what you have. On the other hand, we want to teach her to be responsible for her behavior. And while neither Chad nor I are particularly competitive, we both do have to hold our tongues to prevent us from having to make her go faster. I'm glad she likes to stop and appreciate things. I just wish the outcome was that she realized that part/most of the fun is the hunt, not the number of eggs you come home with. We tried talking about this but she was unconvinced. She said that friends were supposed to share (and "Mighty Oaks share!") so we had to discuss that we can't just make other people give us their things.

Dude, this parenting gig is hard. She keeps us on our toes. I want to balance being understanding but having boundaries.

So of course we had an Easter egg hunt at home, using some leftover eggs and the extra eggs that Ms. Bobbie snuck to A when she saw how upset she was. This was clearly brilliant. She beamed at the full basket of found eggs (which again, were not quickly retrieved by any stretch of the imagination), which made her completely forget about her earlier upset.

We also dyed some eggs tonight, which was a lot of fun. She tried her first hard boiled egg which was about as funny as I hoped it would be--she was completely disgusted by it.

Three is magic

I realized that we have 33 more evenings of A being 3 (don't worry; this isn't the start of a long series of 33 posts in 33 days). ;) 

Three and thirty three are my favorite numbers. I had A when I was 33, which seemed perfect. So this post is fitting. 

I totally understand that people have strong feelings about three year olds. I've heard it's true that three can be a glimpse into the teen years. I've had many sighs and deep breaths and moments where I literally can't even. 

And yet. 

Three is magical. 

That creative bone that balks at clothes that match also spins the sweetest and funniest stories. 

Those big emotions that cause pindrop waterworks also allow the fierce love that puts her cheek to your face and squeezes your neck until you're dizzy. 

That mouth that cuts with statements like "no one is happy with me; I just want someone to be happy" also heals with "you be my best friend because you're my mommy and I love you."

That independent spirit that runs off in public also is passionate about mastering new tasks "all by my very self."

I hear that four is even better. But I don't even want that now. I just want to soak up all of the three over the next month. I know that while others become nostalgic and longing over newborns, three may always be the age that melts my heart. I won't pretend I will enjoy all my time over the next 33 evenings, but I hope I can have one joyful moment each day and be mindful of all the time that's passing and all the joys ahead. Here's a magical moment from last month.

2015 under review

I have a strange love for annual reports. This surprises no one given my love of data, behavioral tracking, and goal setting. It isn't just the numbers and trajectories but also the way I feel when I see the results (those unscientific feelings; let's quantify them!). I also like patterns and routines so it is only natural that I will repeat my 2013 and 2014 New Years Eve activity of summarizing our last year and weighing in on how we did with our goals. But first--Happy New Year! We were so happy to get to spend it with our new friend, Amanda.

This year brought a lot of joy and also some sadness. I guess that's the way all years will go, of course. We were so sad to lose Jasper and we continue to be sad/angry/confused by the OSU Homecoming parade tragedy and so many heart-breaking events in the world. But we had wonderful visits with family and friends. I got to travel to a number of interesting places and have fantastic food. Good friends welcomed new babies. We made some new friends and I got to see some old friends. These are the moments I hold close to my heart. But there are many other moments that made this year unique.

• We had our first visit to the Emergency Room. 
• A had her first haircut
• We tried to make each holiday special
• Sweet A turned 3, had a fun paint party and attended LOTS of birthday parties this year
• We transitioned A to a toddler bed and revamped her room and bathroom
• We had fun trips to the zoo, the Science Center, the Wondertorium, and A's first trip to the Aquarium
• A started gymnastics and tried out soccer
• I finally hung pictures on the walls in all of the rooms in our house
• I started stitch fix 
• I took the position as Director of Clinical Training
• I lost 16.5 pounds (we will temporarily disregard the 3 pounds I regained over the holidays)
• I made reading a priority and I killed my book goal

Overall, I think it was a good year. In many ways, this year has been the hardest in awhile on me and Chad. But A is thriving, work is going well, and we truly are incredibly blessed. I am working hard to continue to be grateful and use that gratitude to be kind to others.

In terms of behavioral outcomes, I took a quick look at my goals and have determined that I must pare these down for the upcoming year. And I should revisit them often.

Family, Parenting, & Intimate/Social Relations

• Be more present in relationships. Put down my phone from 6-7 and 8-9pm. 

This continues to be a struggle. Downloading the app Moment was helpful because I set a time limit per day and times that were supposed to be "screen free". However, sometimes I shut down the app or ignore the warnings. :( I don't like this. Not a good start.

• Call a friend at least once per week. 

Yikes. Not this one either.

• Go to dinner or a movie with Chad once per month.

Man, this is tremendously discouraging.

We did better this year. We hired a sitter a few times but haven't hit anywhere near monthly.

• Start getting A ready for bed by 8:45pm.

We are close here. Most nights.

• Do not do any work on Wednesday nights.

I did really, really well with this one for awhile. And then I taught three classes over the summer (mistake) and the end of the fall semester got out of control and I did not adhere to this as closely as I wanted. I should be able to pull this one (and the Fridays or Saturdays I added) back in for the spring.
Work

• Submit 2 grants

Done.

Both were scored but neither were funded. 

• Attend 3-4 national conferences (with submitted oral presentations)

I attended CUDCP in Albuquerque in January, NASSPD in Boston in March, ARP in St. Louis in June, and ABCT in Chicago in November. I gave oral talks at two of those conferences and my students presented posters at three (along with some local conferences). Additionally, I gave one invited talk at a university. 

• Submit 7 manuscripts (as well as revise/resubmit the 4 manuscripts which are currently under review, hopefully with an opportunity to revise where they are now but if not, to new outlets)

I need to be in my office to check on this one but I know we did fairly well with this goal this year with several acceptances, R&R, and new submissions. I made a goal to submit a new or revised manuscript each month and we did achieve that. 

• Catch up on clinical note signing

And now we are back to the discouraging parts.

• Submit journal reviews by the day before they are due 

This is only getting worse.

• Continue with Sunday night meetings, protecting writing time, and using the RescueTime web app

I continued with the Sunday night meetings through November and then I struggled to keep my head above water. My writing time also suffered in the fall semester. The RescueTime app has been helpful but I think I need to be held more accountable to it again, perhaps posting screenshots on occasion.
Personal Growth, Spirituality, Recreation, Physical Well-being

• Stop glorifying busy

I think I hit genuine change on this one. I am still busy and I try not to resent the busyness but I certainly am making good efforts to stay out of the competitive complaining mode. Now I need to work on not judging others who have not made this their goal.

• Find a church (after flu season) 

Not yet.

• Go to bed by midnight at least 3 nights per week

What was I thinking in making this a goal?

• Run on the treadmill or go to the gym 3 days per week

I did this incredibly well August through October. November and December were much spottier.

• Read Savor and begin to eat less mindlessly

I started this book but it came at a terrible time (from the library) so I am back on the waiting list for it.

• Participate in an organizational challenge but also give myself a break about laundry piling up. I don't like it and folding it right away (...or days/weeks later) really doesn't matter

I completed some parts of the organization challenge sponsored by Apartment Therapy. I really enjoyed it and some aspects of the challenge stuck all year.

• Read 15 books

Guys, I crushed this goal. I didn't even recall that I originally set this to 15. I said 30 on goodreads at some point in January. 58 books. I can't even believe it. The only thing that comes close to this is the number of journal articles I review. ;) I started feeling antsy last week when I realized that, with some dedication, I could double that and hit 60. But then the next book that arrived was one that begged to be savored. And journaled. And I realized the antsy pressure I was feeling reminded me of glorifying busy. So. 58 it is. Definitely a win.  

• Write 4 blogs/month

This was widely variable. This will be my 63rd blog entry for the year but that includes series of posts like for Christmas and the organizational challenge. 

• Enjoy my puppies

This one crushes my heart. Sadly, I did not spend enough time enjoying Jasper this year. I spent the summer frustrated with him and I will always wonder if/fear that the frustration prevented me from noticing how sick he got so quickly. I still can't think of this without crying. I, along with the help of A, have made a real effort to make sure that Madeline gets extra love each day. It has become some of the most bittersweet time in my day, as I can't help but feel guilty that it took losing Jasper to really appreciate them. 

Day 25: Christmas!

We had a wonderful Christmas Day this year, once again. 

I surprised Chad with Virtual Reality glasses he had no idea I had even heard of. 

Christmas was a success for A, in part, because her 86 year old self got a watch and a suitcase this year. I wish I had her exclamations of excitement on video upon discovering the watch. 

Of course, she got many other presents as well.

Including a ream of paper, which she used for more coloring and stamping. It was almost bigger than her.

Madeline also had a good Christmas. 

Merry Christmas to all!