If you are reading this particular blog entry, there's a good chance you already know us and our extreme love for planning birthday parties. It's basically my favorite thing. In early March, though, I quickly realized that this year was going to be different. At the time, there was no discussion of physical/social distancing, shelter in place, or quarantine. However, given A's asthma and all of the rumblings I had heard from epidemiologists, I knew that a party likely wasn't in the books for us this year. As A's birthday drew closer, and the virus spread, this reality became certain. By March 18, this was really heavy on my heart and embarrassingly, the first time I cried in recent memory, was thinking about what I could do to make A's day special. To be clear, themed birthday parties are not the pinnacle of parenting. I had no concerns that A would feel neglected and I know plenty of families who don't do big parties. But still I was sad--this was our thing. Since A was 2 years old, she has had a hand in pulling off fun parties--generating ideas, helping with decorations, and planning the food. (Of course emotions are complex so this was also a time filled with guilt that I would cry over such a small, silly thing when people are literally dying from COVID19 but alas, secondary emotions are not particularly useful so I had to let those go).
So, once I had my night to grieve, I turned immediately to what I always do when I start to plan A's party--Pinterest. I have to say--for the very first time since I joined--Pinterest let me down. Hard. At that time, there were zero pins about virtual parties. Nothing on google either. It was shockingly disappointing. Of course now there are news and popular press articles, blog entries, and pins galore as the "need" for virtual parties has exponentially grown in the last month but it was a wasteland back in early March. We considered birthday parades, zoom, Netflix party, and the houseparty app.
The things I knew we wanted were:
a themed birthday shirt,
decorations,
some way of connecting with a few friends (we opted to do Zoom),
our traditional birthday chalkboard,
a cake,
and some sort of activity.
The biggest concern that A had going into a virtual party is that she didn't know what they should do or talk about. This fear was unfounded because as soon as folks were logged on, all the kids were talking and laughing, showing off their zoom skills, and saying hi in the chat feature. We opted for Zoom because it was what we've been using most over the last few weeks. In order to protect us from "zoombombing," I made sure to make sure the link was not posted publicly, I had a waiting room, and I locked the room once everyone who could attend was in the room. We enabled chatting which was fine as well as screensharing the whiteboard. Screensharing the whiteboard ended up being a little problematic as kids were arguing for turns writing/drawing on screen (and not everyone got a turn before we ultimately shut it down). After the party A said she felt like that part got a little out of control so we might recommend disabling that feature (we have seen it go very, very wrong in other classes she has taken over the last few weeks!)--however, the rest of the party was fun.
In addition to chatting with friends, we planned one activity. I had been thinking of various ways we could drop off a "favor bag" or sweet to friends' houses before the party when a local bakery posted they were going to be offering "Decorate your own Doughnuts" by the dozen and half-dozen. Each kit came with doughnuts, 1-2 frostings, and 2-4 toppings. I immediately contacted them to see if they could do a smaller version of these for the attendees and they were great working with me! We picked up the doughnut kits Saturday morning through drive thru and later dropped them off at the doorstop of our friends' homes--we were super lucky that most folks live in our neighborhood! Each kid's kit got doughnuts, a frosting (chocolate or vanilla), a small cup of sprinkles, and a small cup of mini m&ms. I asked parents to send me photos of their creations. That was a LOT of fun.
Once that activity winded down, I shared the video of Cheyenne Jackson (who plays Hades in Descendants 3) wishing A a happy birthday. For the kids who had seen the movie, that was a cool thing to do. Now (sadly), we are not actually close personal friends with Mr. Jackson. I utilized the website Cameo to book him for a paid video. I had spent a few weeks trying to get Descendants 3 stars Sofia Carson, China Anne McLain, or Sarah Jeffrey to join Cameo (or even Dove Cameron, despite A really not like Mal...) to no avail. I had started feeling a little desperate when I discovered that other Descendants characters had joined. If your kids are fans of Ben, Celia, Jane, or the Fairy Godmother, you're in luck as they each have accounts! It is noteworthy that this is an expensive little video. I justified it to myself by saying it was less than I typically pay ordering pizza for a birthday party but it was still hard to hit "submit" for that payment! However, A loved it so much!
Finally, we lit the candle and had the kids sing Happy Birthday. Some friends dropped off presents on the porch or made posterboard signs to put in our yard, making the day extra special.
Overall, I think the party went about as well as it possibly could have and there isn't really anything I would change about it if we were forced to use this platform again for an event. It definitely was not the same as a "real" party but A was pleased enough. I also shared with her the video I compiled of her friends, school teachers and staff, and family members sending her birthday greetings as our final surprise.
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